


She's All I Think About

by helladirections



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Blow Jobs, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cunnilingus, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, House Party, Kissing, Light Angst, Making Out, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Pining, Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Virginity, more angst than i've written but that's also because i never write angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-04-25 12:45:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14378937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helladirections/pseuds/helladirections
Summary: “I know we’re sloshed but, I’ve been thinking,” he started carefully. She giggled at his words, but didn’t stop him, so he continued. “About what you said… about boys? Well I was thinking and…I know we’ve talked a bunch before about how you’ve never had a boyfriend and you’re like… afraid to not know anything… when the time comes. And I was thinking, maybe – if you were ok with it – maybe I. Maybe I could teach you some things?”He squeezed his eyes tight, in shock that the words had made it out of his mouth. In shock that she didn’t scream at him or hit him and run away. In shock that she was actually considering it.Her eyes stayed closed as she adjusted her body to get even closer to his. “Sounds nice.”“Yea?”“Yeah.”





	1. Part One

Harry let out a “humph” as he set down the heaviest box yet. It mostly contained shoes and books; other odds and ends that Anna had packed up from her old room. His face was red and his hair was slicked back with sweat near the roots. The sun was out and her new little studio apartment was on the second floor, meaning lots of extra work for Harry who was there helping her out.

He flopped down onto the Ikea couch, which Anna had assembled while he continued to bring boxes and furniture in from the heat outside. She let out a small giggle as she continued sorting through various T-shirts and arranging them in drawers.

“You alright there, Styles?”

He ran his hands down over his face and let out another sigh as they hit the couch. “Yeah, yeah. Never knew how much junk you owned.”

“Hey! It’s definitely not junk! I just have a lot of things, ok? I didn’t want to leave anything back home that I might need up here.”

He flashed her a smile and a shrug as she continued going about her task. The place was starting to come together rather nicely. It was a smallish room, but bigger than most freshman dorms and it had a little kitchenette, so she could cook on occasion. In one corner was a couch and a recliner, and in the opposite corner was her bed. The walls were still bare, as all her decorations were still hiding inside of the boxes.

Harry looked at his watch and saw that it was getting close to dinner time. Taking in his surroundings, he knew that there was no way they would be finished unpacking her things tonight.

“Hey, what do you think about going out tonight? I think they’re putting together a small thing at the house later. We could grab dinner and then head over, yeah?”

Anna mulled it over. At her old school, she wasn’t much for partying. She didn’t know anyone when she got there, and she didn’t make very many friends along the way. That was part of why she was so excited to transfer back to an in-state school, because Harry would be there. Well that and tuition money. But when it came down to it, it was mostly because of Harry.

“Sure, why not,” she shrugged. If the whole point of transferring schools was to be near Harry, then she might as well be near Harry.

He moved across the room and flopped down on top of her neatly made bed. They both knew it wouldn’t stay that way for long, but Anna figured she might as well start out with it looking decent. He hummed a tune under his breath that she couldn’t quite register, but it was nice. And as Anna finished folding up the last of her shirts, she joined him on the bed.

With her head on his chest and his fingers in her hair they laid there, silent except for his continued humming. She still didn’t recognize it, must be one of his newer songs that she hadn’t heard quite yet. It was nice and relaxing. His hands worked through her hair slowly, scratching at her scalp slightly the way that he knew she liked. This was good. This was them. Cuddling together between doing chores had been their routine on the weekends for most of high school, but when they went away to different colleges, the routine had lapsed. Holding her in his arms, on his chest, it felt nice. It felt right, to Harry. It felt like every muscle in his body could finally relax.

Well, not every muscle. A moment later his stomach rumbled loudly beneath her ears, and she sat up giggling. Harry pouted at the lack of touch, but Anna didn’t seem to notice.

“Hungry, Styles?”

“Yeah, how did you know?”

She gave him a little shove on the arm before getting off the bed and walking over to her dresser and closet. Most of her clothes had been unpacked already. It kept her busy in the air conditioning while Harry did all the heavy lifting outside in the heat. He came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her neck and giving a small kiss to the top of her head.

“My first party here, so I should make sure to look good, yeah?”

He gave a silent nod. He knew what she meant about looking good, but part of him, the protective next-door neighbor-boy part, wanted her to be completely covered up. He wanted to protect her from all the guys he knew they would be seeing. And yeah, they were his brothers, but some of them were real slimy. He didn’t voice this to Anna, though, as she perused her wardrobe and took a handful of things with her into the bathroom.

Harry could remember the first time she insisted on changing in the bathroom. It was in middle school, maybe seventh grade. They had grown up next door to each other for their whole lives, their moms set up sleep overs whenever they asked or when one set of parents wanted to go out on a date night. And they had never been shy around each other. Stood on other ends of the room maybe, but not especially shy. But in middle school, things started to change. Her chest started to grow, and she started to wear bras. She started getting periods and complaining about them to Harry, who truly couldn’t understand. And he started getting morning wood after sleep overs and embarrassing random puberty boners all day long.

It was after one of those – one of the embarrassing puberty boners -  that she started changing in another room. They were at a school dance, not even really touching each other as they bounced and sang along with music. When a slow song came on, he could tell she was nervous. So, he grabbed her hand and they started to sway back and forth. It was a bit awkward, like middle school dances always tend to be. But it was made even more awkward when at the end of the song Anna went to hug him, pressing her body in close, and she jumped back after feeling something hard against her stomach. He wasn’t even horny, or so he claimed. Never thought of her in that way up until that moment either. Not that he would admit, anyway. Neither of them said anything, haven’t spoken of it since. But that night, after the dance when they went back to his house for a sleep over, Anna grabbed her clothes and went into the bathroom to change.

Harry sat, waiting on her bed for Anna to come out in each outfit so he could approve or deny her. As an art major, Harry had a good sense of style. As someone who grew up wearing T shirts every single day, Anna didn’t.

The first outfit spoke true to this. She stepped out wearing a pair of jeans and one of her favorite T shirts. It was a little bit of a boat-neck, but it didn’t show off very much. He told her it looked like she was getting ready to go to the library and study, so she chuckled and went back into the bathroom.

The second outfit was a bit closer to the end goal. She wore a pair of black leggings with a tank top that was just low enough to show off her chest nicely. Harry tried hard not to stare, but it was difficult. She had always been beautiful, but she had really grown into herself in the last two or three years since they moved out of their parent’s houses. Still, she looked a bit casual, so he sent her back for a third try.

“Ok listen, I’ve never worn this shirt before but my friend from last year made me buy it and promise to at least try it on, ok?” Harry cocked his head, not sure what kind of shirt could warrant that kind of warning, but he confirmed he would never judge her. She walked out wearing black crushed-velvet leggings and a crop top. The top had long sleeves and a deep V. It wasn’t exactly skin tight, but it wasn’t as loose as she normally wore either. He could see in her eyes that she was nervous, especially when she looked down at her feet and covered her exposed skin with her arms.

“What do you think? Is this ok or should I wear something else? I have a bunch of other options I just-”

“Yes, yeah, I um…definitely you should wear that. Looks nice. Makes you look…nice.” He started to blush just a little bit, but she didn’t seem to notice. She just nodded her head and walked over to that last box he had carried in which contained her shoes.

“I’m not like, gonna be cold or anything, am I? I mean it’ll be late and cold outside, but I guess I’ll be drinking and I’m usually hot when I’m drinking.” She spoke to him without making eye contact, still digging through her box of shoes.

_Hot._ Yeah, something like that, Harry thought. “You, um, you should be fine. And for now, yeh can wear my jacket. It’s soft, yeah?”

Anna smiled as he handed it to her. She was surprised he remembered, but it was her favorite jacket of his. It was his photography club president sweatshirt from his senior year of high school. She was a junior at the time and borrowed it as often as she could, claiming the inside was softer than anything she owned. Even went as far as taking it off his back a few times when the weather was colder than she expected.

After putting on the jacket and a pair of white vans, she slipped her ID, credit card, and new apartment key into the little pocket inside of her leggings, and they headed out to dinner. He took her to a pizza place down the road, about halfway between her new place and his frat house. On the way, Harry pulled out his camera. He started snapping pictures of falling leaves and small puddles and cracks in the sidewalk. Simple stuff. Normal stuff.

Then he turned his lens to Anna. He took pictures of her hair moving against her back as she walked in front of him. He took pictures of her hands, clasped together like she does when she’s thinking. He took pictures of her smile, as she laughed at a terrible joke he told. And he took one last one of her shoes, walking up the cement steps in front of the pizza place. She never asked what he would do with the photos he took of her, and he would probably never tell her.

It was a nice dinner. They sat together in a booth talking and laughing, catching up about everything they had missed in each other’s lives. They talked a lot about nothing and a little about something and it was just nice. It felt like _them._ Like they were back to where they always were before Harry graduated high school and went off to college and Anna was left at home for another year before running away to an out of state school. It felt like no time had passed, and it was good.

They finished eating early but sat together for over an hour longer sipping on beers. The sun had started to go down outside, and the pizza parlor was emptying out.

“At about ten o’clock they open the bar downstairs,” he told her, pointing to the staircase near the front of the room. “I’ll take yeh there some time, yea?” She took another sip of her beer and nodded. Drinking with Harry would be fun. They’d never done a real bars night together. Only ever ordered a beer with dinner or drank wine in their parents’ houses. “There’s an open mic on Wednesdays. I usually go and do a song or two.” He shrugs. “Mixed reactions from the crowd.”

When the employees started looking even more annoyed and Harry could start to hear the noises coming from downstairs, they finally headed out. He took her hand in his as they walked to his house. It was easy, it was natural. And he wanted to make sure she stayed with him now that it was dark and there were drunk college kids running around.

She stopped suddenly outside of the house. The music was loud and there were people flowing in and out, empty cups in their hands and smiles on their faces. She grabbed his upper arm with the hand that wasn’t already grasping his. Anna didn’t say anything, but she didn’t need to. He knew she was nervous. He paused a moment, giving her a chance to collect herself before he placed a small kiss on her temple. She looked up to him with a smile, and they walked in.

Harry led her into the house, and down the narrow staircase into the basement. He squeezed her hand tightly, afraid to let go and lose her in the crowd. The basement was wall to wall with bodies. Hot and sweaty bodies. Drunk bodies. High as fuck bodies. Bodies bodies bodies. The air was distinctly thicker than the air upstairs or outside and smelled peculiar. She recognized the smell as “frat basement” though and went with it.

They made their way over to the bar where some of the brothers were pouring drinks. She couldn’t hear anything that Harry said to them, couldn’t hear anything besides the intense beat of the bass and screaming of girls on the dancefloor. Eventually he handed her a drink, tapping her cup with his own before drinking up the mixed drink in one gulp. She did the same, tasting probably vodka and orange juice. He then took both their cups and got a refill, this time with the cups filled up much higher. He took a sip of his own drink and seemed satisfied enough to lead Anna away from the bar.

She stood in the corner at first, too nervous to really join in the party. But slowly, the alcohol was taking effect and Harry’s face was warm and encouraging and eventually Anna found herself in the middle of the dance floor with Harry. She couldn’t help but giggle every time he pulled out a stupid little dance move or twirled her around. They were dancing face to face, their bodies not really touching except for maybe their arms and hands from time to time. He could feel her breath on his skin but blamed the close proximity to the amount of people in the room.

Between all the bits of fun they were having he noticed a guy behind her, checking her out. He knew the guy a bit just from being in the house, but they weren’t close friends or anything. Jake, his name was. Probably a nice guy. Harry looked down at both of their cups. He took one last swig of his own drink, finishing it off. She saw and finished hers as well, handing him the empty cup.

Harry could tell she didn’t want to stop dancing, the alcohol coursing through her veins so strongly letting her finally loosen up a bit and have fun. But he didn’t want to leave her alone. So, he reached out and grabbed that guy, Jake, and tugged him over.

“Gonna get drinks!” he called over the music, “watch ‘er for me, mate?”

The guy nodded his head and turned to face her. She gave a small smile and continued to dance while she watched Harry walk away. They say you’re always supposed to watch a person pour your drinks, but Anna trusted Harry with her life and this was no different. So, while he went off to refill their cups, she danced with Jake. He seemed like a nice guy, from what she could gather. He was a good dancer. They started out just dancing front to front with space in between, as she and Harry had been dancing. But soon he took a step to the side and placed his hands on her hips, pulled her back against him.

Anna’s eyes went wide, not used to someone making such a clear move on her. She turns around and catches his eye with a smile before turning back and continuing to dance. She didn’t know him, but Harry did, so he must be safe. He must be ok.

When Harry comes back, he has a heat in his eyes that she doesn’t quite recognize. It’s a look she doesn’t remember seeing from him, other than maybe that onetime Robbie R. pulled her ponytail in second grade. But his gaze isn’t focused on her at all, it’s focused on Jake, behind her. When he finally wades through all the bodies, he reaches for her arm and pulls Anna away from him. Harry hands over her drink and pats Jake on the back, accompanied by a pointed glare.

She doesn’t seem to notice much, only looks behind her for a moment when she’s taken a few sips of her new drink and realizes that Jake isn’t touching her anymore. But she shrugs and turns back to Harry, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as they continue to dance.

Jake walks away after that, and Harry’s mouth turns up in a smirk. He’s just protective, is what he tells himself. And he’d just rather be the one dancing with her. At least he knows she’s safe that way. Knows where she’ll end up at the end of the night. Knows she’ll have a good time and won’t have to worry about her getting something slipped into her drink. At least that’s what he’s convinced himself.

The basement eventually started to empty, but both Anna and Harry weren’t quite ready to call it quits for the night.

“I’ve got someplace I want to show you,” he leaned into her ear to yell over what was left of the music. Harry grabbed her hand and pulled her up the basement stairs, up to the second floor, third floor, fourth floor, where she knew his bedroom was.

“Harry, I’ve been in your room before, it’s not that exciting.”

He shook his head, “no, no, c’mere.” His voice was slower than usual, his words slurry just a bit. But he was steady on his feet and felt solid as he guided her towards one of his windows.

Harry climbed through the window and onto the roof, which was flat for about a five foot-by five-foot square. He reached back through the window and grabbed her hand to help her through. She was a bit more wobbly on her feet, eyes a bit glassy, smile extra wide. In one hand he held hers, tightly, the other hand resting on her waist to help stabilize her body and guide her to sit down. They situated themselves with Harry leaning back against the mostly closed window and Anna in between his legs, resting her head on his chest.

They stayed like that for a while. They could hear just a bit of the beat from the music in the basement, and the occasional laughter of drunk college kids walking home. It was nice. It was like the universe was telling them to relax. Telling them to just take a moment to breathe and remember that everything would be ok as long as they were both together. He wanted to capture this moment. But no type of film or pixels could truly capture the feeling. No image could remind him of what he was feeling in this moment.

He was holding her body close and felt her breathing slow down, so he shook her a bit.

“’m awake,” she mumbled.

“Just making sure.”

“Hey, Harry?”

“Yeah, love? What is it?”

She waited a moment, trying to put the words together. It would be hard even if they weren’t drunk, but the alcohol was definitely slowing down the process.

“You know how I’ve never had a boyfriend?” He hummed in response. “Do you think…d’ya think it’ll be different? Now that I’m here?”

He sat for a moment, contemplating. “You’ll be fine kiddo, you’ve always been fine.”

Harry said something else after that. She could feel the vibrations from his words, but the wind had picked up and he spoke low.

“Love? Did you hear me?” He asked.

“No, there was wind. I hate wind. It makes me cold,” she whined back to him. He couldn’t help but chuckle. She was clearly still drunk. But she was a loveable drunk. Not that she wasn’t lovable when she was sober it was just, he wanted to snuggle her up in a blanket and keep her warm forever.

“I asked if you wanted me to talk to Jake for you? The guy you were dancing with for a minute?”

“Oh,” she shook her head. “No. You’re a better dancer, much better dancer. Like to dance with you. Even in middle school. Liked to dance with you. You _really_ liked to dance with me. That one time,” she teased him, laughing low.

They were outside on the roof and everything around them was noisy, yet they both spoke in hushed tones. Like they were keeping a secret from the outside world. Like whatever was happening in that moment was just between the two of them and the whole thing would be ruined if one person even noticed they were sitting there and talking.

“What about that boy from your old school? The one that took you to formal?” Harry squeezed his toes together, waiting for her response. He had seen all the pictures of the two of them together. She was practically draped all over him. But he only appeared in Facebooks pictures the one time. He knows for sure – he checked quite a few times for evidence of him in her life.

“Was a right asshole.” She somehow made the word sound cute, and he couldn’t help but be endeared. It was the pout she gave the accompanied it, he thought. Her lips stuck out and her eyebrows drawn together. Her lips looked so appetizing. Red from the cold. Probably tasted like vodka and orange juice.

They sat for a while in silence, then. A comfortable silence. He was caught up in his own thoughts. Thoughts about their lives growing up. And about how soft she felt curled up against his body in that moment. And about how he would give anything to feel her curled up against him every single night. Maybe, curled up together, in bed, she would wear less layers. She might get cold, but he could keep her warm. He’d buy extra blankets and tuck her body close next to his. Kiss those red, pouty lips until they were swollen and chapped. Touch her where she was warmest to help spread the heat for both of them.

He shook himself out of the thought. Out of part of the thought. But his mouth seemed to have a mind of its own.

“I know we’re sloshed but, I’ve been thinking,” he started carefully. She giggled at his words, but didn’t stop him, so he continued. “About what you said… about boys? Well I was thinking and…I know we’ve talked a bunch before about how you’ve never had a boyfriend and you’re like… afraid to not know anything… when the time comes. And I was thinking, maybe – if you were ok with it – maybe I. Maybe I could teach you some things?”

He squeezed his eyes tight, in shock that the words had made it out of his mouth. In shock that she didn’t scream at him or hit him and run away. In shock that she was actually considering it.

Her eyes stayed closed as she adjusted her body to get even closer to his. “Sounds nice.”

“Yea?”

“Yeah.”

She let a moment pass.

“Can we go to bed now?”

“Yea, love, we can.”

 

When they climbed back through the window, Harry walked over to his dresser. He pulled out a pair of sleep pants for himself and a large shirt and a pair of boxer-briefs for her. When he turned around he jumped a bit, startled to see her already shedding her clothing. He covered his eyes, but she just giggled.

“Harry! I’m stuck! Harry help me!” Anna cheered.

He took a deep breath before walking over to help her. Her shirt was stuck over her face and she was blindly kicking off her shoes. He couldn’t help but smirk as he inspected the situation, finally resolving to rest his hands on her waist and stabilize her.

“Ok, a’right love, calm down,” he chuckled. He tried as hard as he could not to stare at her chest, now exposed in a pretty, lacy bra that just made his mouth water. But he shook himself out of it. This was Anna. He had to stop looking at her body like that.

They both laughed as he tried to help her out. He finally helped her out of the shirt, throwing it to a chair in the corner. Their laughs both died down and the air suddenly felt heavy. They were both silent, but this time it wasn’t comfortable. Harry looked into her eyes and swallowed hard. Their bodies were close, and he could feel her breath on his skin, just like when they were in the basement but this time it was different. This time there were not other bodies pushing and shoving and forcing them together. This time they were the only ones in the room. It felt like they were only ones in the universe. He could’ve sworn he felt her leaning in.

“Um, I’ll go…I’ll go change.” The words felt like they came out of nowhere. He didn’t even recognize his own voice. But he was glad that some portion of his drunken mind was sober enough to stop him from what he felt his body trying to do.

She pouted a bit, but he didn’t see. He was facing the other side of the room. He busied himself with throwing dirty clothes from one side of his chair to the other while he tried to gather his thoughts.

“I um… you can where those clothes, on the bed over there.”

He changed into his own sleep pants and made sure to listen for her getting into bed before he turned around. He saw her clothes on the floor – the lacy bra and a lacy thong sitting in her dirty leggings. He breathed in hard and tried not to look at it. But looking up at her wasn’t much better. She looked so beautiful in his clothes. Drunk and sloppy, getting cozy in his bed, hair a mess and spread around his pillow. He couldn’t help but smile as he crawled in next to her.

She wrapped her body around his, just as they used to in high school. They were a bit old to be having sleep overs at that point, but they had made it abundantly clear to their parents that nothing would ever happen between them. And it was really the parents’ fault, wasn’t it? Letting them sleep in the same bed since they were little kids?

His body was bigger than last time they had slept like this, though. His legs and arms were longer, his shoulders broader, his chest more muscular. His body just felt more solid to her than it did before. The thought just barely passed across her mind as she made herself comfortable next to him. Really on top of him. Their legs were tangled, and her head was resting on that one spot on his chest where they fit together just perfectly.

“You’re so cozy, moppet,” he whispered to her.

She gave a him a hum. The only sign that she wasn’t asleep yet.

“Look a’ me?”

She moved her head onto the pillow beside him, her eyes still closed.

“Lovie, I wanna see your eyes.”

She opened them. He searched them. She didn’t give any sign of hesitation. He started to move his mouth closer to hers. His heart was beating in his ears. Their foreheads touched. He paused for a moment, looking for any last signals that he should stop. But she didn’t give him any. Only closed her eyes and leaned in a fraction of an inch. He closed the rest of the gap.

She tasted like apples.

 

 


	2. Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No, I um. I think. I think it would be alright. If we started now.” She looked around the room at anything but Harry. “Could we just. Like. I don’t know what I’m ready to try,” she admitted as she finally looked at him.
> 
> He searched her eyes, looking for any signal on what she wanted him to do. But all he found was anxiety and nerves. So he reached out his arm and touched her bicep lightly. He could feel her goosebumps. She blinked slowly. She looked like she was finally starting to relax.
> 
>  
> 
> “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, ok?” he assured her. “We’ll just…we can start with um…just with hands. If that’s ok?”Or: the college / best friends / friends with benefits fic that no one asked for but I wrote anyway.

Harry woke up in the morning with a pounding headache, a nauseous stomach, and sore muscles. Harry’s limbs were entangled with Anna’s, but he didn’t dare move for fear of waking her up. He had been awake for a while mulling over the events of the night before. Everything had been great up until he blurted out his proposition on the roof.

This was his best friend he was talking about. Could he really bring himself to follow through on his suggestion? On one hand he felt like he would be using her for sex, but wouldn’t she be using him for sex equally as much? It might change things. He knew that was a possibility. But they were so close it felt like nothing could shift _that_ much in their relationship to really matter.

But her lips. Her lips made him want to take it all back. They tasted so delicious, they moved so nicely over his own. They made him want to tell her _screw it_ and come clean about the thoughts he’d had about her for so long. They made him want to tell her the truth and ask her to stay in that bed with him forever. They made him want her body even more than he already did.

And her body. He craved her body. He finally let himself admit it. Harry had been ogling her when she needed help changing out of her clothes. Hell, he had been ogling her since the moment she stepped out of her bathroom in that _amazing_ outfit. There were things about her body that he knew well, already. Like her soft tummy which was perfect for resting his head on after a long day. And gentle fingertips which she used to stroke up and down his arms while they cuddled for movie night. And her hair which he played with mindlessly as they talked about their days. But he wanted more. He wanted to know more. And if this was the only way he would be able to have it, he would have to learn to be ok with that.

And what he had said to her in the moment was true. He did want to help her. He wanted her to feel less nervous for her own sake but also because he knew how boys worked, he knew that the confidence she might gain would be helpful. And he wanted her to be safe in learning and trying new things. And he was the only one he truly trusted to do that for her.

Anna started to stir, and Harry shushed her lightly. With her eyes still closed she let out a small smile, nuzzling her face further into his neck. He wrapped his arm around her body, pulling her in close and adjusting so they could both be more comfortable. Their legs remained intertwined, and Harry found himself thinking about how nice her legs would feel fresh after a shower, the two of them with skin rubbing against skin. No barriers. His thigh between her legs. Her grinding up onto him, _using him_ to get herself off. The look on her face when she got there. The way her eyes would look blown out with lust.

Harry visibly shook his head, trying to get the image out of his mind before his dick noticed what he was thinking about. She backed up and opened her eyes, giving him a questioning look.

“S’nothing, love,” he lied.

“It’s something.”

“Yea.”

A beat passed.

“D’yeh remember everything from last night?”

He was grinding his teeth but tried not to let on how anxious he was. What if she didn’t remember? What if she _did_? Maybe she just thought the deal was a joke and the kiss was only icing on that cake. Or maybe she would laugh it off as a moment of drunken mishap. Or maybe. Maybe she wanted it too.

“Yeah, I remember. I think.”

He hummed in response. Harry hoped Anna would bring up the conversation or the kiss, so he wouldn’t have to. But it didn’t look like that was going to happen.

“D’yeh remember. Before we came inside. What I said t’yeh?”

She took in a deep breath. His heart started beating faster. He willed it slow down; she was lying right next to his chest and could probably hear it. But his heart didn’t listen, and it only sped up faster. The short moment between his question and her answer seemed to drag on for far too long, and he wondered what could possibly be running through her head.

“Yeah. You offered to help me, right?”

“Mhmm. And yeh said yes.”

And then she did something he never would’ve expected. She started to giggle.

“I did, didn’t I? It’s a good thing I was drunk, never would’ve said yes otherwise. Probably would’ve run away or something. Don’t remember anything after that though. Guess we just came inside and went to bed, huh?”

Harry finally dared to look down into her eyes. They were clear, albeit a bit red and tired. But they proved that she knew what she was saying. He wanted so badly to snap a picture of her in that moment. Savor it. Have a chance to look into her eyes whenever he wanted.

“Yea, s’good thing.”

 

The first week of classes was a bit of a whirlwind. Sure, it was only syllabus week, but week one of fall term was always a little bit extra stressful. There were move-ins and annoying freshmen who didn’t know where to buy books and extra commitments to Harry’s fraternity. Anna had to learn to get around a new campus and figure out how things were different at this school than her old school. Harry had to find the time for photoshoots he promised to friends months ago. It was a lot.

They were both relieved when Wednesday rolled around, and they finally got to see each other again. A few panicked texts between classes just weren’t cutting it. They had agreed to meet at the pizza place again and have dinner and a beer together before heading downstairs for the open mic.

Dinner was nice. Really nice. Harry decided to forgo his camera for the day and spend time looking into her eyes without any barriers. They were so much more beautiful in person than through a screen anyway. They were clear and held a sparkle which no camera could hope to capture.

He talked to her about the professors she had and what he had heard about them. And she told him about the new people she met in her classes. And he told her about the photography class he loved and the drawing class he hated. _Not all art is the same_ he would tell her over and over. Just because he was good at photography didn’t mean he would be any good at anything else.

What they _didn’t_ talk about was the kiss. The slow, deep, amazing kiss that they shared while drunk and in his bed. She had said she didn’t remember anything after their roof conversation. Part of him hoped that the moment they shared had come back to her somehow. Part of him was relieved that she hadn’t yet brought it up.

When she finished her beer and moved to get a refill he stopped her.

“Might as well jus’ go downstairs, yea?” he nodded his head towards the stairs in the front of the room, and she agreed.

Harry led her down the stairs from the bright pizza parlor to the much dimmer bar below. There was dim blue tint to the lighting down there, especially around the small stage at the front of the room. There, a single stool and two microphones were set up, waiting for a willing participant to step up.

They sat at a table in the middle of the room. Harry knew that she liked it that way – not too close but not too far, just in the right spot to be able to blend in.

“I’ll go get us drinks, yeah? I’m mates with the bartender tonight.”

When Harry got up to the bar he smiled at his old friend. Niall had been in a few of his classes in the past before switching majors. He always worked open mic nights and never worked on Fridays or Saturdays. He claimed there were cuter girls on the weeknights, but Harry knew he just wanted to be able to go out himself on the weekend if he wanted to.

“The usual?” he asked Harry. He’d been coming here for open mics since he turned 21 a while back, and every time he got two pints of Guinness – one before his set and one after.

“Yeah let’s start with tha,” he smirked.

He turned to look at Anna, sitting at the table in the middle of the room by herself and scrolling through her phone. She wasn’t even trying, and he couldn’t help but think she looked beautiful. He was past the point of no return now. He had admitted to himself that he thought about her body. And so, it was harder than ever to stop his thoughts from wandering.

They wandered to the outfit she wore a few nights before. And to the way her body moved when she danced. And the way her chest looked when she got stuck taking her shirt off. And the matching lacy bra and panties he saw on the floor of his bedroom when he got up in the morning.

“And let’s get a cider as well,” he turned back to Niall to order the drink for her. She didn’t like to admit it, but she much preferred cider to beer these days. It was sweeter and didn’t make her bloat and had the same alcohol content but usually cost a lot less. Harry had heard Anna’s thoughts on the matter more times than he could count.

“Ah, yeh brought a girl withya, huh mate?” the bartender smirked as he placed the first drink on the bar in front of Harry, before turning around to fill the second order.

“Yeah, yea, suppose I did. She’s my best friend, just transferred here from out of state.”

Niall placed the cider on the bar next to the beer and threw a small towel over his shoulder. He rested his hands on the well in front of him before shaking his head with a slight smirk on his face.

“Whatever ya say, mate.”

Harry carried the drinks back to the table where Anna was sitting. When he placed them down, her face shot up and she broke a smile.

“You remembered! About the cider! Usually people only bring it up to tease me,” she laughed.

“O’course,” he shrugged.

“Let’s toast then, yeah?” she suggested. He had been just about to take a sip of his drink, but he stopped and looked at her, his head cocked to the side, waiting for her to continue. “To week one, to being together again, and to you killing it tonight on stage!” she proclaimed.

They clinked glasses and she started to drink her drink, but just as he was about to take a sip he mumbled under his breath, “and to helping yeh out later on, huh?”

She started to cough, clearly hearing what he had said and choking on her drink in surprise. He only smirked, raising his eyebrows a bit as he took a sip of the Guinness, eyes never leaving hers.

The open mic started shortly after that. There were some poets complaining about tuition and the government. There were some singers who didn’t bring any accompaniment. There was a guy who played the keyboard - he wasn’t all that bad. But she could easily see that most of the performers were severely lacking. From her memory, Harry was a much better vocalist than anyone who had been up already. He only took up guitar in the past few years, so she couldn’t vouch for that. But in her mind, he was way more talented than anyone else here.

“And to end off the night, let’s welcome up our weekly headliner, Harry Styles!” The announcer called his name and Harry stood with a smirk. But not before he got a small slap on his arm from Anna.

“You didn’t tell me you were _headlining_ ,” she whispered harshly at him. He only shrugged and continued to walk up to the front of the room.

Mr. “not all art is the same” Styles killed it in front of the small crowd. He covered a few Fleetwood Mac songs that night, one of his guilty favorites. Well, not so guilty. From the stage he could recognize most of the crowd. They were the same regulars from last year when he played every week. It had been last winter when Niall convinced the organizer of the open mic to make Harry the headliner.

Some of the girls in the crowd were really beautiful, too. In the past, he would try his best to flirt a bit from the stage, try his luck at getting one of them to come home with him after. But that night, he didn’t. The only girl he gave any real attention to was Anna. Towards the end of his set, he looked back at Niall, standing behind the bar with a knowing look on his face.

Niall didn’t know about the agreement that Harry and Anna had made a few nights before. He didn’t know how often Harry thought about her body. Or how desperately he scrolled through her Instagram when he was lonely and it was too late to text her because she lived in a different time zone. He didn’t know about her soft hands and her bright smile. He didn’t know about the thoughts that had been running wild through Harry’s mind for days now. He definitely didn’t know about their drunken kiss. But Harry started to think that maybe Niall knew something that he didn’t.

Harry finished his set and took a moment to bask in the applause of the small crowd. He closed his eyes and just let the sound wash over him. This was one of his favorite things. An indescribable feeling that he often found himself chasing after it ended.

But his joy was cut short when he felt a very sudden, very strong body fling itself into him. It was Anna, running up to congratulate him on his set. He could recognize her by her smell. It was sweet, but not too sugary. Bubbly and light. Relaxing. Comforting.

He heard her bright giggle in his ear and opened his eyes. She backed up and looked at him. Her eyelashes were long, framing her face beautifully. In another world this would be the moment where their lips lock, smiles forcing their teeth to clash. Just the thought makes Harry let out a sigh from the base of his throat.

Luckily, Anna didn’t seem to notice. She just grabbed his hand and led him away from the stage so the announcer could close out the night.

“She’s lucky to have you, dude!” some girl he didn’t know told Harry over his shoulder.

“Oh no, I’m not, she’s not, we’re– “

“I’m so lucky,” she cut him off to confirm. She wrapped her arms around his neck and stood on her toes to reach up and give him a small kiss on the cheek. “He’s the best.”

Harry felt the heat rushing to his face, particularly where she had just kissed. But he found himself relieved that the blood was rushing up and not down. Not when she was this close to him. Not when he couldn’t use puberty as an excuse anymore.

He just shook his head in defeat and took Anna’s hand in his to lead her out of the bar. Niall called after him, trying to offer his usual second pint, but Harry just waved him off. He had something much more important to get to.

 

Hand in hand, they walked back to Anna’s apartment. Harry’s frat house was always filled with people and had very thin walls and he knew it would be far too embarrassing for her to deal with. He wanted her to be relaxed. He wanted her to be able to enjoy herself. But most of all, he wanted to just be closer with her. And those things wouldn’t be possible at his place.

They curled up on her bed and she immediately grabbed the remote to play something from Netflix. It was about the eighth time she had watched this entire sitcom, but Harry didn’t complain. In fact, he spent most of his energy looking at Anna out of the corner of his eyes. Her cheeks were a bit pink from the cool air outside and the two drinks she already had that night. He loved when her cheeks turned pink. It made him want to kiss them over and over and make her giggle and squirm until they were both out of breath and had no other choice but to make out.

The episode ended and Netflix stopped before starting the next one. Had they already been there long enough to watch three episodes in a row? Seems like it. Anna didn’t reach for the remote right away though. Neither did Harry. They just sat there for a moment. Quiet and comfortable.

“Um,” Harry cleared his throat. “So about what we said the other night? On the roof?”

“Yeah, about you helping me yeah?”

She swallowed hard and he could tell immediately that she was nervous. Her eyes changed color a bit as her face reflected her inner panic.

He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. “I mean…I thought we could start? But we don’t have to! We can wait for another time!” he quickly added in. the last thing on earth he wanted to do was pressure her.

“No, I um. I think. I think it would be alright. If we started now.” She looked around the room at anything but Harry. “Could we just. Like. I don’t know what I’m ready to try,” she admitted as she finally looked at him.

He searched her eyes, looking for any signal on what she wanted him to do. But all he found was anxiety and nerves. So he reached out his arm and touched her bicep lightly. He could feel her goosebumps. She blinked slowly. She looked like she was finally starting to relax.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, ok?” he assured her. “We’ll just…we can start with um…just with hands. If that’s ok?”

She nodded her head just slightly, so he let out a breath and removed his arm from hers. Anna bit her lip slightly. Harry rolled his in his finger as he thought about how to orchestrate this.

“We can…I’m not just saying this to like…get the good end of the deal, alright? It’s just…I know – from experience – that when you’re…like new at this…it’s easier to give then to get and like –“

“Yes. I mean, yeah, yeah. That sounds fine.”

She cut him off, but he was grateful for it. He felt like he was tripping over all of his words. He tended to do that in these kinds of situations. The more blood that’s running to his dick, the less there is to run elsewhere like his brain. At least that was his excuse.

“Right. Ok then. I’ll just…get started then.”

He looked at her for confirmation one more time. He needed to make sure that she really wanted this. He needed to make sure that this was the right move. Because once they did this there would be no going back. You can’t forget what a penis looks like. He knows from … experience. Once you’ve seen someone’s body it can be hard to unsee it. He just wanted to make sure.

She gave him the confirmation he needed with a nod of her head and made the move to start unbuckling his belt. Her eyes got wide as she watched his every little move. He undid the buckle, then the button, then the zipper. It felt like the slowest and longest strip of all time. But he had never been this nervous about taking his pants off before. Had never cared this much about the person he was with.

He finally shucked them off of his body and was left with his navy boxer-briefs. He didn’t even realize until that very moment, but they were the same pair that he had given to Anna to wear to bed a few nights earlier. And now he couldn’t stop thinking about her in them. Her body. Her legs. Her lips. It wasn’t long until he was at about half-length.

 He sat there, leaning against the wall. He grabbed her hand and moved it towards his now prominent bulge.

“Just…just touch it a little. Through the fabric. Just…just rub it a bit,” he told her, tension in his voice.

She did as she was told, placing her hand on top of where he wanted her most. He let out a little hiss at the contact and she quickly pulled her hand back.

“No, no! That was good! That was…that was good, love. Felt really good. Keep going.”

So she tried again, repeating the action but this time not pulling back. He watched as she thought about each of her movements very carefully. She gave a feather-light touch. If he wasn’t watching her do it, he would almost think she wasn’t touching him at all. But that was part of the novelty of it, wasn’t it? Regardless, he continued to harden under her ministrations.

“Good, good,” he praised her. “Feels good babe. Now…now touch a little harder. Rub a little. Grab at it.” He bit his lower lip hard. Harry knew the direction he was giving was basically shit. But she managed to succeed in spite of it. He had never gotten this hard, this fast before, still with a layer of clothing on even.

“Ok, ok now stop,” he told her, moving his hand in front of hers. “Now…now the next part. Ok? Just…just reach under. Reach under and grab it and take it out.” He squeezed his eyes closed. He was terrible at this. A terrible teacher. Maybe they should stop now. Maybe they should stop before it goes any further and their friendship is ruined and he teaches her the wrong way to do things and then she’ll be with another boy later on and doing it wrong and-

And oh. _Oh._ That felt good.

She reached under and grabbed his dick, now fully hard, and lifted it above his waistband. She held it there then, her hand at the base of it as it stood straight up at a 90-degree angle from his body. Her eyes were wide. She had seen a penis before. But not like this. Not in this setting. Not this _big._ He was _big._ Much bigger than she had anticipated. And that’s supposed to fit _inside_ of a person? And feel good? She was relieved that that wasn’t something she would have to encounter at least for a while.

“Ok,” he started, voice shaky. He was trying so hard to keep himself together but it was already getting difficult and she hadn’t even done much yet. “Sp-spit on your hand,” he instructed. She looked at him with wide eyes again. “It-it helps. When you rub up and down. It helps. Like lube.” He shook his head immediately regretting the comparison. “Just…it helps.”

Anna shrugged before licking the palm of her hand. Harry nodded and guided her hand back to his now aching dick. Aching for attention. Aching for her hand. Aching for _anything_ Anna could give him.

“N-now…just rub…just go up and down…l-like this.” He stuttered from exerting so much energy on keeping himself together. Normally at this point he would have his head thrown back and his eyes closed with moans and sighs and screams coming out of his mouth.

Harry put his hand over hers and stroked the length of his cock up and down a few times before letting go so she could do it herself. She was timid. He could feel her hesitancy. But she continued exactly as he had shown her.

“Faster,” he told her. “Faster and – and change the speed sometimes.” He let out a heavy breath as she followed his request. “A-and see that bit of precum? Use your thumb…spread it around…like with the spit.”

“Am I doing ok?” she asked, eyebrows furrowed both from concentrating hard and worry that she was doing something wrong.

“The precum means you’re doing great, love. Just…jus’ great,” he confirmed.

The head of his cock was bright red now – angry looking. Begging for more attention. Begging for release. He couldn’t remember the last time he got off with such gentle touches. Even when she sped up her speed she still managed to maintain a gentle touch.

Harry directed her to really wipe her thumb over the slit when she collected the precum. And when she did, he couldn’t help but throw his head back in ecstasy. She was amazing. This was amazing.

“You’re amazing,” he told her, without thinking.

She giggled at him but otherwise stayed quiet.

                He could feel that familiar twist low in his gut as it started to build up. He was close. Really close. Closer than he should be after this short an amount of time. He should want to make it last longer. He should start thinking about dead puppies or his mom in the shower or the tax code. But he didn’t. Instead of pushing off his release, he tried to bask in it.

                “L-lick it…yeh can lick it…if you want. Don’ have to.”

                Anna continued her movements while she considered his words. Finally, she leaned down, face to face with Harry’s hard cock. But instead of licking it, instead of sucking it down, instead of letting it weigh on her tongue while she waited for his direction, she did something else. She kissed it. She kissed the tip and smeared the precum over her lips just a little bit. And then she kissed it again quickly after.

                “Oh my god, oh my god,” he cried out. “S-suck it. Please, please suck it.”

                She shook her head this time though. “I’m not…not this time, ok? Maybe next time but not this time.”

                He frowned a bit, but he understood. It was a lot to ask of her all at once. But the thought was fleeting as she twisted her wrist in a new way and he was forced to close his eyes and let the feeling wash over him again. She seemed to get the hint and she tried that movement again. And again. And again. And Harry knew he wouldn’t last much longer.

                “Gonna…gonna cum, love. Gonna cum real soon,” he warned her.

                He half expected her to stop. But she didn’t. She only picked up speed with her strokes. She followed her instincts and they were right as he got closer and closer to his release.

                “Might…might wanna move, out o’ the way.” He was trying hard to still be her teacher, to still be helping her. But it was taking a lot of energy out of him. Energy that he just didn’t have. Well, he had it but it was being used elsewhere. “Gonna cum. Gonna cum,” he warned her again.

                But she didn’t move back. She stayed right where she was and continued her movements with her hands. His head hit the wall behind him and his mouth opened wide. He was breathing hard, practically panting. Small moans came out as he raced to the finish.

                “Fuck, shit…oh shit,” he moaned out. “Oh, fuck me.”

                And then he came. Harder than he had in a long time. And he called out her name under his breath between a long series of expletives. And her hand finally started to slow. Until finally it stopped.

                Anna’s eyes were wide, but this time they were full of wonder instead of nerves or fear. She looked at his dick, now completely spent but still in her hand. And she saw the streaks of white cum on his shirt. And she saw the sweat on his forehead. And the curls around his ears.

                Harry reached for her hand, removing it from his length so he could relax. It fell to rest against his stomach as he caught his breath – hand still holding hers. Teeth still clenched. Eyes still closed. As if opening them and seeing her would somehow change this whole thing. Would make it mean something.

                As his heart rate finally started to slow down, he dared to open his eyes.

“Was that ok?” Her voice was small, timid. He just chuckled.

“Amazing. Babe, that was amazing.”

Her face lit up with a smile which he mirrored with his own.

“Lemme take care of you now, yea?” he asked, shifting his body slightly in a move to get up and reverse their roles.

But she held out a hand. “No, no that’s fine. I uh…I don’t want to. Not ready. Not…not in my brain but also not _ready,_ ” she told him.

He got the hint. “Love, I don’t care what you look like. Tha’s not what this is about.” He cocked his head to the side, looking deep into her eyes. “But if you’re not ready, that’s fine too. We’ll wait. Wait till you’re ready. In your brain,” he laughed, echoing her words. “Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here for you. Here to take care of you. Always.”

She nodded before her gaze shifted down his body. He was still just as exposed as before, but now it felt different. He followed her eyes and caught on to her thoughts, so he grabbed his boxers which had been carelessly thrown to the end of the bed at some point.

“You can still take care of me,” she whispered. It was so soft, he wasn’t sure if he actually heard it or not. He lifted his brows. “Cuddle! I mean. We can cuddle. Feels good when we cuddle. And watch some documentaries. If that’s ok?”

“Yeah love, of course it’s ok. Whatever you want. I’m here to take care of you. Whatever you want.”

And so, she changed her clothes and they arranged their bodies into their favorite cuddle position to search through Netflix for a good documentary that they hadn’t seen already. Something about a serial killer which she found endlessly fascinating and which he found hilarious.

And Harry truly was taking care of her – when they were cuddling together like that. He held her close and stroked his hand up and down her back. He could feel her body physically relaxing. Some people he’d been with never wanted to cuddle after finishing, but he craved it. He craved the feeling of holding the other person close to his body. He craved for his partner to be happy and well cared for, and cuddling was part of that as far as he was concerned.

And Harry wanted Anna to always be well cared for – in all aspects of her life. He wanted her to be happy and protected. He wanted her to feel safe. And Harry found himself wanting to be the person who gave her those things. He always had been, after all. In high school she would come to him with good news or bad news. She would come over to cry or to laugh. And now, he wanted her to be able to give herself over to him fully. He wanted to protect her from the world. Desperately.

Anna fell asleep first – she always did. She needed for there to be background noise and he needed it to be silent, so it worked out well. He noticed her breathing slowing and looked down to see her eyes closed. There were only a few more minutes left of the documentary, so Harry let it run itself out. And they fell asleep in much the same kind of entanglement as they had a few days prior.

But this time, he only touched his lips to her hair, whispering “goodnight” before settling back into her fluffy pillow and letting himself fall asleep. 


	3. Part Three

Harry and Anna had settled into a pretty nice routine. Every Wednesday they would meet for dinner at the pizza parlor and share a drink before heading downstairs. Niall would have their drinks ready for them before they even got there – a Guinness for Harry and a Two Towns cider for Anna. They would sit at their regular table, right in the middle. And then they would giggle through all the other acts until the announcer brought Harry up to the stage.

The audience had grown since the first week of classes. The room was now almost always filled to the brim. The girls would cheer loudly for Harry. Not Anna, though. She would sit quietly. Sometimes she would close her eyes while he played. His voice and guitar always brought her back to a safe place and made her feel nice.

After his set, Harry and Anna would head over to one of their places – usually Anna’s because Harry’s frat house was not an ideal place to be. They would watch weird documentaries for a while before moving on to the fun part.

The second time, she wanted to perfect her skills he had already taught her. She also relaxed enough to trust Harry to return the favor. She wasn’t sure what to expect that first time. But Harry went slow, always started slow. He stroked up and down her slit from the outside of her panties first, building her arousal and her wetness. She was still a bit nervous and didn’t want to completely undress. Didn’t want him to actually come face to face with her body. Instead, he pressed his hand underneath her panties. They were lying back on her bed, him with one hand down her pants and his mouth on her neck. Both of their hearts beating fast. He resisted the urge to kiss her, instead licking and nibbling just a bit behind her ear. When she finished, he licked his fingers.

That night, as Harry held her close and she drifted to sleep with a documentary about the JFK assassination in the background, he couldn’t help but let himself daydream. He dreamt of what it would be like to do this for real. To kiss her deeply and swallow up all of her beautiful moans. To hold her hand around campus and give her a chaste kiss before heading to class. To have her run up into his arms after his set at the bar and give him a proper congratulations. To go home afterwards and truly get to love on her, on her entire body. He fell asleep thinking of those imaginary moments which would likely never come to fruition. _Best friends._

The third time, she wants to try something new. They started out as they had the past two weeks, but when she was stroking his length, she leaned down just to kiss the tip. He flung his head back, moaning. She was such a _tease._

“Can I…can I lick it?”

Harry gulped down the moan building in his throat. _Of course she could lick it. Of Course._ And so he taught her something new. He taught her to cover her teeth with her lips and to suck on her way down. He taught her to use her hand at the base and her mouth at the tip. He taught her that if anyone turned up their nose because she wanted to spit, then they weren’t worth her time to begin with. That last bit didn’t really matter though. She swallowed without question. Claimed spitting was quitting and let out the most gentle and innocent sounding giggle he had ever heard, his cum still on her lips.

He used his fingers on her again that night. And after she had finished, he got up and grabbed his camera. She was fully clothed but looked entirely fucked out, and Harry wanted to savor this moment forever. Her hair was spread on the pillow like a halo. Her eyes were squeezed shut. Her mouth was wide open as she tried to catch her breath. She didn’t even hear the click of the camera the first few times he snapped a shot.

“You look beautiful, lovie. Want to remember you like this forever,” he had told her when she was concerned about the pictures. He promised not to ever show them to anyone else. Except her. He showed them to her. And he couldn’t help but notice the look on her face when she saw them. She seemed so happy with them, so proud of herself. It was easy for her to agree to let him keep them.

And it might be nice, she thought, to keep him around and get more of those kinds of pictures. To have a record kept of her in her most primal state. She looked ethereal, and she couldn’t deny it. She couldn’t help thinking of the pictures he might take if they were truly _together._ The pictures of their hands clasped together tightly next to her head. Or the ones looking up to her exposed neck as she rode him into the bed. But she brushed off those thoughts and they left as quickly as they had come.

But that’s why now, the fourth time they’ve done this, she was begging him to bring out his camera. Just for a few innocent shots, she had told herself and also him. He tried to deny her, knew that if he brought out the camera now then very quickly they would end up with shots that would only serve as his personal wank bank. But she talked him into it in her own sweet way.

He laid back, his body completely bare and his dick hard up against his stomach. She first gave it a gentle stroke, from the base up to the tip with an open hand. The touch was so gentle that Harry found himself shaking a bit, both from pleasure and lack of pleasure, as a chill ran through his body. Her magic touch was able to be too much but not enough at the same time. He didn’t teach her that. It’s not something you can learn.

She only gave the one stroke though, stopping and waiting for him to pull out the camera. He had managed to forget about it, somehow. But with her reminder he reached over to the end of the bed where the camera lay.

He watched her work through the lens of his camera. Giving her tips here and there and snapping as many pictures as he possibly could. Her brows were pushed together in concentration. His were pushed together as he willed himself not to finish to early, to savor the moment and the experience.

“Is this ok? Am I doing ok?” she asked timidly. His cock was in her hand, her tongue was wetting her lips as she readied to take him into her mouth.

“Yeah…s’good…so good.” He swallowed hard. “Beautiful too. You’re so…so pretty.”

She blushed a bit, looking away from his face and his camera lens.

“Wan’…wan’ya to put it in your mouth. Please babe.” He had to control himself to keep from whining. To keep from squirming. He was desperate for it. So hard he was leaking out of his bright red tip. So hard it almost hurt.

She followed his direction, taking him into her mouth, and he let out a loud sigh. She chuckled a bit, around his cock, which only gave him even more pleasure. His mind was starting to get foggy, but he managed to break through that enough to remember about the camera and snap a picture of her, mouth stuffed full with him. With his cock.

Her eyes were closed as she focused on the task at hand. Anna tried to remember all the tips which Harry had given her the week before. She had also done some research on her own, thanks to Cosmo online, and wanted to see if Harry noticed her new tricks. _Lick over the part that connects the head to the base,_ it had told her. She tried it, one hand on his thigh, one on the base of his dick. She stopped the bobbing of her head for a moment to give it a try, leaving the head in her mouth and licking around the edge of it. The moan he let out was reward enough for her.

“Fuck, love. Where did ya’ learn tha’?” he asked her through a laugh.

She just shrugged and went back to work.

“No’ another guy, was it?”

“No, only you. Only your dick.” She blushed. The words came out dirtier than she intended, but neither of them really seemed to mind.

Harry shook his head, with a small laugh before moving his hand into her hair. He gripped tightly, not controlling her movements but making sure to leave a sense that if he wanted to, he could. He zoomed his camera in to the spot where his hand grasped her hair tightly. Then to the spot where her mouth was taking him in. Then to her face, with eyes closed and brow furrowed. Harry wasn’t going to last much longer.

“Love, love,” he tried to get her attention as her head continued to bob up and down his length. Finally, she acknowledged him with a small hum around his cock. The vibrations only set him off further, letting his head fall back onto the pillow hard.

“’M gonna cum, gonna cum.”

And then she did something he didn’t expect. She stopped moving at all. He let out a little whine, but she still didn’t budge. He tried to figure out what she was doing, but it only hit him when she moved her hand to his. She found the place where his hand was in her hair, and she pressed down a bit.

“Oh my god,” he mumbled, “yeh wan’ me to do it, yeah? T’fuck your mouth?” She hummed in approval, once again sending waves through his body. “Oh fuck, how’d I ge’ so lucky?”

So he held her hair even tighter in his grip, letting the camera fall to the wayside. He lifted his hips up into her mouth, slowly at first, and then a little bit faster. She whined a bit, clearly wanting more.

“Oh, wha’s that? You want more? I can give yeh more,” he smirked a dark sort of smirk before he lifted his hips at an impossible speed. He went faster, faster, faster.

As he came, he let out a long moan of her name. Eyes squeezed tight. Hips bucking hard into her mouth, before he finally started slowing. And when he opened his eyes, the only thought he could make sense of was that he should grab his camera.

Her eyes were still closed, mouth still open. His cum was dripping out, over her lips and down his cock. And fuck him if it wasn’t the hottest thing he had ever seen in his life. She was breathing hard but making no attempt at moving her mouth away from him. She just stayed there, waiting for him to fully empty himself before giving a hard swallow.

With cum still dribbling out of his cock ever so slowly, he reached over for the camera and snapped a picture. He snapped a few pictures, actually. And another when she swallowed. And another when she let him, now a bit limp, fall out of her mouth. And another when she finally opened her eyes with a smirk on her face. And another when her teeth bit into her lower lip.

“Was that ok?” She practically whispered it. Harry wasn’t quite sure he had actually heard her say it. Thought it might have been his imagination.

“Was amazing,” he told her. He put the camera down next to him and move his hand to grab onto hers. He gave a little squeeze. “Now s’your turn, yea?”

He sat up and made a move to switch places with her like they had done in the past. No kissing so hard she couldn’t help but fall backwards. No guiding her hips with a gentle touch of his hand. No crawling over her body with his eyes drinking her in. No matter how much Harry wanted – craved – those kinds of things, he knew that wasn’t what they were doing. In the moment, things were amazing. But between actions, it felt almost mechanical.

She didn’t switch places right away though. Anna reached for the camera, now forgotten by Harry on the edge of the bed.

“Oh, yeh wanna see?” he asked with his eyebrows raised and his head cocked to the side. “Look beautiful in ‘em.”

Harry grabbed the camera and sat back against the headboard, moving the little dial so they could start at the beginning and look at the pictures together in order. Anna sat in between his legs, leaning back onto his naked chest with her head resting on his shoulder. The position was pretty normal for them, but the situation definitely was not. He was still naked, sweat drying on his chest and little bits of cum drying down his softening cock. He nearly let out a whine when she sat back into him and relaxed her body. But he held it together as best he could.

The two of them were silent as Harry scrolled through the pictures for her. It was all he could do to not get hard again just from looking at images of his dick in her mouth. He tried to gage her reaction to each of the pictures, but she kept a poker face. She almost looked concerned, brows furrowed with a little crease in the middle. He didn’t get any real reaction from her until they reached the last few shots and she let out a little gasp.

“’s that good? Or bad? I can…I can delete them if you want?” He didn’t want to delete them. He wanted to keep them forever. So months from now when she’s moved on to someone else he can still have the clear memory of this moment. So when he’s thinking about her late at night he can have something concrete to turn to.

“No, no, it’s... it’s good. They’re good. Really good… you’re good photographer Harry.”

“I had a good subject,” he shrugged with a smile. “’s your turn now, darling. Thought we could try something new? Hmm?” He rubbed his hand up and down her arm as he set the camera onto the night stand. “Wha’ d’ya say? Let me return the favor?”

He knew she was nervous about this. Nervous about letting him actually see her so up close. There was no hiding from him in this kind of thing. When he used just his fingers, he could look straight into her eyes and slide his hand underneath her pants. And truly, he didn’t mind it like that. He liked being able to really focus on her reactions to things. Liked being able to focus on the look on her face when he hit the right spot and save the image in his brain for later. But he was dying to get a good look at her, to see what he’s been dreaming about for weeks now. And he wanted to give her the kind of pleasure that she gave him. Wanted to take care of her as best he could.

“’m a bit nervous,” she told him. “S’like, what if it doesn’t look so pretty? What if it tastes funny? What if it’s…bad?” She was biting down her lip, arms wrapped around herself.

Harry shushed her a bit, rubbing his hands along her thighs to help relax her. He only realized after that it might have had the opposite effect.

“There’s no way,” he started. “No way you aren’t beautiful down there, you’re beautiful over every inch of your body, love. I promise. And I already know how you taste, yeah? Tasted you off my fingers last week, remember?”

Anna nodded slowly.

“You trust me, yeah?”

“Always.”

“Good. Now lemme take care o’ you, yeah?”

She was still hesitant – he could see that clearly. He didn’t want to push her into anything she wasn’t ready for, but he was pretty sure that she actually was ready for this.

“Can tell me to stop whenever you want, love. Jus’ relax. Le’ me make yeh feel good. Feel relaxed. Clear your mind, yeah?”

Anna finally nodded, and a smile spread over Harry’s face. He kissed the top of her head before moving his body out from behind her. He guided her to lay down and moved to hover above her.

His instincts told him to dive in and kiss her deep, but his self-control was strong. Instead, he leaned down and placed little kisses to her body. He started at her shoulder, then her collar bone. He was tempted to kiss right over her breasts but stopped himself and instead let his hot breaths wash over her chest. He kissed just below her bra line, just below her navel, and finally over to her hip. He looked up at her again, just to make sure they were on the same page.

“’m gonna take your pants off now, yea?” he told her softly. She nodded her head. He undid the button on her jeans and pulled down the zipper. “Lift up your hips,” he whispered. She followed his instructions and he helped to pull her pants down and over her feet, leaving her just in her panties.

Harry looked up at her again. She was biting down on her bottom lip, hard. Her hands were in fists with fabric from the sheets tied up tightly in her grasp. He could see her squeezing all of her muscles her taut.

“Lovie, look a’ me,” he said to her softly. She opened her eyes, which had been squeezed shut, and looked down at him. “’s jus’ me, yeah? Just Harry. ’m gonna take care o’ you. Gonna make yeh feel so good. But you have ‘ta relax. Relax your muscles or I can’t do m’ job. Can’t help you. Tha’s it…” he whispered as she slowly started to relax her body. “Good girl.” He noticed her blush at those words, and truthfully, he hadn’t really meant to say them. But her reaction was good, so he didn’t dwell on it further.

Harry ran his hands up and down her thighs, working to calm her body. When she reached a point where her breathing had leveled and her heart rate was normal, he decided it was time to get started.

He spread her thighs further open, looking up into her eyes the entire time. She was wearing blue panties – a thong with small flowers on the waistband. He placed a small kiss to her mound and could hear her breath hitch in her throat. Then Harry moved down to kiss right above her clit, giving the area a little bit of a suck through her panties.

Harry was going slow, but not just because he wanted to keep Anna comfortable. He was doing it for himself, too. He wanted to savor every moment of this. Knew that he wouldn’t have too many more opportunities to do these kinds of things and wanted to make the most of the time he did have. One day, probably soon, she would find a boy with a deep voice and broad shoulders and a gentle laugh and she would leave Harry in the dust.

He used a gentle finger to stroke up and down over her pussy a few times, and he could hear the little tiny squeak she let out as he did so. “Y’like tha’?” he teased her. “Can give yeh more o’ tha’, yeah?”

Harry first pushed her panties to the side, making room for his finger to actually trace up and down her folds. She let out a deep sigh, and he recognized it as the noise she made when she was trying not to moan. He only smirked, but continued what he was doing, spreading her wetness around.

“Gonna take this off now, yeah?” Harry tugged at the waistband of her panties, and Anna nodded her head, giving him permission. He dragged them down her legs – almost too slowly – before throwing them somewhere behind him. Then he leaned down and took her legs into his hands, moving them onto his shoulders so he could have the best possible angle to please her.

“Pretty,” he whispered to her before blowing a little bit of cool air over her. “So pretty… beautiful girl…been hiding from me this whole time.”

He could see that her eyes were closed, her head was back on her pillow, and her fingers were shaking in anticipation. He didn’t make her wait any longer, diving right in. He started out gentle, licking up and down her folds before finding her clit and giving it a little flick with the tip of his tongue. Pretty soon though, he was sucking down onto it hard, two fingers diving deep into her pussy as he searched for her g-spot.

“Ah, there it is,” he chuckled when she let out a particularly strained whine.

She never truly moaned. He wasn’t sure if she was holding herself back, or if she was just quiet in bed. But either way, he was determined to make her moan his name sooner or later. Maybe more for his own benefit than for hers. He dreamt about his name rolling off her tongue in a moment like this for weeks now.

He kept at it, pleasing her as best he could. Soon, she started bucking her hips and digging her finger tips into his hair. Her breathing became more erratic and he could tell that she was getting close – could feel her walls clenching around his fingers as he sucked and rubbed in her most sensitive places.

When she finally came, it was with quite a force. Her left hand stayed in his hair but grabbed even tighter than it already was. Her right hand flew out to the side, grasping the pillow next to her as she searched for something, anything to hold on to and ground her. He didn’t let up with his sucking and stroking until she came down from her high and whined at the oversensitivity.

He removed his fingers, giving a few more licks around the area to clean her up, but also to taste as much of her as he could. She tasted incredible. He thought her juices were so delicious they might as well be a drug. Sure made him feel high.

As they cuddled together after the fourth time he had “taught” her, he hummed a tune under his breath. It was something he had been working on for a while but hadn’t found quite the right words for yet. Her body was particularly pliant against his. Anna let him adjust them both before bringing the blanket over their spooning bodies.

Anna picked out a new documentary on Netflix – they had finished the one about the Oregon cult last week. This one followed the lives of several serial killers. They chatted for a bit, picking up where they left off over pizza. She’d had a stressful couple of weeks. Transferring schools this late in the game had put a lot of pressure on her.

“Not enough pressure to make you go crazy like this guy, right?” Harry teased, nodding his head towards the TV and a serial killer from Alabama.

“No, not quite that much,” she laughed back. It was silent for a moment before she spoke again. “Helps when I’m here,” she started. “With you. Like… dinner and drinks and talking and stuff too but mostly…mostly when we’re doing… stuff. Makes me feel good. Feel calm. Calmer. Keeps my mind from wandering off too far.”

He couldn’t help but smile as he pushed his face into the back of her neck. He was so thrilled but why she had admitted to him, it was all he could do to hold it together and not pop another stiffy just from the thought of her enjoying their time together so much.

“Could help yeh even more, if yeh wanted,” he told her. “Not sure if you would want to… if you’d feel ready too… but I’ve got a couple o’ tricks up m’sleeve. Tricks that could help you escape all that pressure.”

He didn’t explain any further, and she didn’t ask. Just hummed in affirmation. Maybe next time he would bring out something new. They had done almost everything by this point. Well everything except actual sex and also kissing.

They didn’t talk anymore after that, just laid together in silence as the documentary played itself out. She fell asleep with her head lying on his left arm and her hand joined with his right, resting over her stomach.

 

Thursdays are always rough for Harry with a full day of classes, and the Thursday after that night was no differen. He had a rough day. A midterm he didn’t study enough for, an essay that he bullshitted his way through, and a photography project which wasn’t actually ready to be turned in. So when the day was over all he wanted to do was get back home and flop down on his bed so he could close his eyes for a few hours and forget about everything terrible in the world.

But that’s not really what happened. He walked through the doors of his frat house only to find too many people milling around for his liking. He was already cranky, he didn’t need to be surrounded by people. Thursday. Thursday nights are committee meetings and every brother that’s on any kind of committee within the frat meets at the house at 6:30, which gave Harry about two and a half hours to himself before he had to pretend to care about really creepy ritual. He intended to spend that entire time sleeping in his bed.

He took a quick pitstop in the kitchen to grab a banana before taking the stairs two at a time up to his room on the third floor. Harry gave a nod to a few of the guys but didn’t pay much attention to them. Not until he reached his hallway and noticed a small crowd of guys standing outside of Jake’s door, chuckling.

After throwing his backpack down in his room, he made his way back over to the gathering down the way.

“Wha’s going on?”

“Jake’s got a girl in there, dude,” one of the brothers, Daniel, answered. Harry only raised his eyebrows. Jake didn’t bring girls over very often.

“Oh bro, I think that’s your girl in there!” responded another, Eli.

Harry cocked his head. “I don’t have a girl, what are you talking about?”

Daniel snickered. “Well why don’t you go in a check, then?”

Harry furrowed his brow. He racked his brain for every girl he had ever brought over to the house for a party, a formal, a date dash, anything. He couldn’t think of anyone that would even know Jake.

He reached forward and opened the door, looking behind him at the other guys as he did so. But he knew immediately who it was.

“Harry!” Anna called back at him.

Harry looked into the room. They had class notes sprawled out on the floor, but it was clear that they had long since been ignored. Her computer had been left alone long enough that the picture of her childhood treehouse which had been her desktop for years had gone black. Jake’s dirty laundry piled up in one corner and his clean laundry rested in just as high a pile in the other.

When he dared to look up to the bed, Harry saw the two of them with their faces still close. Her head was lying on Jake’s pillow, her hair spread out like a halo around her head. She looked ethereal. But Jake very much on top of her diminished the effect.

Her legs were wide and he was situated between them, their chests touching. Anna was still fully clothed, but Jake’s hands were traveling up her sides and underneath her shirt. Harry’s hands had been there on Wednesday. His lips had been there on Wednesday. His lips had been even lower on her body.

Anna’s eyes went wide when Harry opened the door. They only barely made eye contact before she had yelled out his name and looked away, her cheeks turning bright red.

“Bro, get out of here!” Jake called back at Harry. He was angry, really angry.

“I um…sorry. I’ll see ya,” he mumbled before walking out.

The other guys were silent as they watched Harry mope back down the hallway and into his room. Jake slammed the door behind him.

A few minutes passed. Harry took off his pants and his shirt and crawled into bed. His heavy comforter covered his head and he pressed his face down into his pillow as hard as he could. He tried to block out everything else. He tried to cloud himself in silence. But the other guys had taken to snickering outside in the hallway again.

Harry heard a few soft knocks on his door. “H? You in there?”

He didn’t respond.

“I – we were working on a project.”

Still nothing.

“We’re in that intro to Soc class together. We have to make a presentation on breaking down the barriers of a social group. We picked the frat. We worked on it for two hours, but we got bored and started talking.”

Silence.

“We um…we only kissed.” A pause. “Guys, go away, I need to talk to him!” she shouted at the other brothers in the hallway.

Harry could hear their steps as they walked away, down the hall.

“You and I haven’t kissed.”

He didn’t need the reminder.

“I… I still love you Harry. You’re my best friend, you know that, right?”

Harry squeezed his eyes together to try and keep a tear from falling, but it had the adverse effect. Once one fell out of his eyes, it was like the dam was broken. His lip was wobbling and he sniffed his nose a few times. He hoped Anna couldn’t hear him from the other side of the door, but she probably could.

“I’ll see you Wednesday, ok?”

Harry felt like he was holding his breath. He didn’t want her to know that he was crying. He didn’t even know why he was crying. This was the whole point, wasn’t it? For him to teach her things so she could build confidence and take it to other guys. And Jake was a brother, so she could’ve chosen worse. But she didn’t even tell him. He didn’t know they were in a class together, he didn’t know she had a project. He didn’t know that she would be down the hall from him this afternoon, in bed with a guy that wasn’t him.

Eventually, she must have gotten tired of waiting. He heard her walk away, and then he counted to one hundred. Only then did he truly let himself cry as hard as he wanted to.


	4. Part Four

It’s not that Harry _meant_ to ignore Anna. It’s just that. He had to sort out his thoughts before he could talk to her or face her again. He had to have a real _reason_ why he was so upset after finding her and Jake together in a bed. And he hadn’t figured out how to put that reason into words. He was afraid to pass her on the street or on campus and have to give a fake smile and a makeshift explanation. He was afraid of what she would think of him. He felt terrible about ignoring her, he did. Because the longer he waited to talk to her, the worse things would get. And he knew that. But that guilt still wasn’t enough to push him to talk to her.

She didn’t break any rules or anything. The whole point of them doing anything together was so that she would have the confidence to go find another guy. Its just that. Harry didn’t really think that another guy would come so soon. Or that Anna wouldn’t tell him about the guy. Or that the guy would be a brother. Or that the guy would be _Jake._

Jake’s last girlfriend – well Jake never really called her a girlfriend. Jake’s last _girl_ was so fragile when he started bringing her around the house. She had pale skin and red lips and blue eyes and long lashes. And she giggled and blushed any time anyone made a suggestive comment. And Harry knows for a fact that Jake took her virginity because he bragged about it for _weeks._ And then Jake had done what? He had broken that poor girl’s heart. One day, a group of brothers were sitting in the TV room and during a commercial Jake just blurted out _hey guys, I think I’m done with her. Not so exciting anymore, y’know?_ And no, Harry couldn’t say he knew. Because how could you lose interest in someone so quickly. How could you gain the kind of trust and respect it takes to be a girl’s first time and just leave her a few weeks later? And Jake didn’t even break up with her. He just stopped talking to her. Ghosted her. That’s it.

So maybe that was why Harry was so upset when he found Jake and Anna together. Because Jake is a bit slimy and Anna deserves so much better. But if her told her that, she might get offended. She might get mad at him and accuse him of being jealous or not trusting her choices. She’d give him a speech about consent as if the two of them hadn’t sat through the same lecture as a part of sex ed from the same biology teacher, only one year apart.

And maybe he was jealous. But how was he supposed to explain that to her either? They were supposed to just be doing these things as friends. He was supposed to just be helping her. He promised nothing would change. And he couldn’t break that kind of promise. And besides breaking the promise, if he ever was going to tell Anna how he felt about her, it wouldn’t be in a screaming match about another guy.

Harry didn’t even know if he could put into words how he felt about her. He just knew that he thought about her all the time. That her hugs always reminded him of home, even before all of this started. That all his favorite childhood memories included her. That the smell of her shampoo was soothing when he was too stressed out. That she had the most beautiful body he had ever seen. And that he craved to have more of that body, more her soul too. But he couldn’t tell her all of that. Not all at once. Not yet.

The worst part of the whole thing? Well the worst part wasn’t that he caught her doing just _anything_ with another guy, it was that he caught them kissing. He had been thinking about her red apple lips ever since they drunkenly shared that moment together after coming in from the roof. Then Anna had to go and remind him that they hadn’t ever kissed. Which was only a little bit true and only a little bit false. And it was such a loaded thing to consider. Because no, they hadn’t _really_ kissed. The first one definitely didn’t count because they were drunk, and she didn’t even remember it and he never told her about it. And if he ever did tell her about it, she might just get mad at him for not telling her in the first place. But ever since that moment, all he wanted was to kiss her some more. And not just a little peck – really, truly kiss her with all the passion he could find in his body. He wanted to taste her lips and her tongue and explore her mouth and touch her body all over.

He rolled over in his bed again. Thinking about her body had made him pop a stiffy. Well, half-chub, but same thing. The point was, he was sad, angry, lonely, and now he was horny too. Again. He was horny again. It’d been happening a lot more than usual in the last few days. Every time he thought about Anna and Jake in bed, he would subconsciously replace Jake with himself and fantasize about everything he wanted to do to her. Everything he wanted her to do to him. Everything.

And the past month he hadn’t even been jacking off that often. He always figured it could just wait until Wednesday. Why do it himself when she could do it so much better? And putting it off made the feeling that much greater when he did get it. But here was, on a Tuesday, horny as hell, and he figured he might as well get to it because odds are he’ll never talk to or see Anna ever again anyway. He’ll probably be too chicken to face her after this much time ignoring her, so he might as well do the one thing he had promised himself he would never do and wank thinking about his best friend.

Harry was all set to get started. He had shed his clothing, opened his computer to his favorite porn site, and grabbed his go-lotion and a rag to clean himself up after. He was nothing if not prepared. Had to be. Living in a house with sixty other guys meant anyone could walk in at any moment just to make fun of him for doing the same thing they all do literally all the time.

He started off rubbing himself slowly. He even held his cock a bit gingerly in his hand, trying to imitate the way her hand felt around him. He couldn’t get it quite right though. And the moans of the girl in the video weren’t the same as the moans Anna made. Hers were always gentle and soft. Like she wasn’t exactly trying to hold them in, but she wasn’t expecting them to come out either. Like they just slipped out when she took a breath and had no choice but to go with it. The girl in the video – hers were fake. Totally fake. And objectively, Harry knew that all porn moans were fake. But that didn’t stop him from getting frustrated.

And that’s when he remembered. _Those pictures._ He had everything he needed already. He didn’t love the idea of using those pictures to get himself off, but what else could he do? He was horny and desperate, and he just missed her so much. It was his best option.

So, Harry closed out the incognito browser window and opened the folder on his drive that contained the pictures. He had it somewhat hidden so no one who wasn’t supposed to see them would accidentally stumble upon them. He’d told himself, last week, that he was going to edit them to make them look really nice and _artsy_ so he could give them to her as some sort of gift. He knew that she liked the way she looked in them. He knew they made her feel good. And why not go the extra mile and make her feel extra good? It was the least he could do, really.

But that was for later – if he ever got a chance to do that at all. For now, the pictures’ only purpose was to help him imagine she was there. He found the series of pictures of her hand, delicately stroking his long cock up and down. The visuals helped him trick part of his mind into thinking it was really her working him, not himself. And the pictures of her pretty little mouth with her pretty pink lips spread around his head. Those pictures really got him going.

He remembered that little trick she had picked up, the one he never taught her. And how amazing that little trick had felt.

 _“Anna,”_ he whispered out her name. Just a little bit. Just a little bit of noise in the background to make his blood pump through his body faster. Just a little bit to fill the air around him with a bit of her.

He had been scrolling through the pictures, but his pleasure was finally picking up. So much so that he squeezed his eyes shut and focused on the memory of the last time he had cum into her mouth. The way it had felt when that burning feeling low in his stomach had finally released. The way it felt when she sucked and swallowed all the way through. The way her lips looked with just a drip or two of his cum dribbling out her of her mouth.

He was almost there. The burning feeling had started, and he was chasing it. Chasing his release. Chasing his pleasure. Chasing the memory of her.

“Ann- AH!”

“Harry! What the-?! HARRY!!”

Harry hadn’t heard the soft knock at his door a moment earlier. Had he heard that knock, he would’ve had a chance to ask her to wait a moment before walking in. He would’ve been able to put on his pants and at the very least cover his dick with his blanket and maybe a pillow. He would’ve closed his computer, so Anna wouldn’t have seen the pictures of herself with his cock in her mouth and his cum on her lips. She wouldn’t have heard him moaning out his name. She wouldn’t have seen him in such a compromising position.

After she had opened the door, after she had screamed, after the damage had been done. After all of that, she covered her eyes with her hand that wasn’t still holding onto the door knob. Her feet were stuck in her shoes and her body and mind were frozen.

He was frozen at first too, stuck sitting there with his dick in his hand and her face on his computer screen. But he snapped out of quicker than she did, slamming down the screen of his computer and pulling a blanket over his body harshly.

“Get out! Please!” he shouted

“Oh, right yeah, I’ll… I’ll be right back,” she mumbled before turning out and closing the door.

 When the door finally closed behind her, Harry let out a breath that he hadn’t realized he had been holding in. What the fuck just happened? It wasn’t like she hadn’t seen him hard before. But this felt different. It felt like he was invading her privacy by using those pictures, even though she was the one to invade his privacy by walking in.

Harry jumped up and tried to clean up the room a bit, buying himself time and willing his boner to go down while Anna waited outside.

“Just a second, s-sorry,” he called out to her.

He opened the computer back up and closed down the windows with the pictures. He found a pair of pants which had been discarded onto the floor in the corner. He turned on a fan and put his face in front of it, trying to dry off the thin layer of sweat that had accumulated on his forehead and calm his body down.

Harry could hear Anna shuffling impatiently outside of his door. He knew he didn’t have much more time to stall, so he decided to bite the bullet.

“Come on in,” he told her. He looked down at his pants. His dick was still mostly hard, but at least it was covered now. He thought about doing the dishes and crying babies and kids’ movies. It helped a bit.

This time she knocked again, just to make sure. “Yeah,” he chuckled a bit. The damage had already been done, so why bother with it now.

They sat down awkwardly on his bed together. She looked down at his crotch for only a moment before looking back up to his eyes. Truly, she did feel bad. She hadn’t meant to walk in like that. She just knocked and could’ve sworn he said her name or something that meant it was ok for her to come in. Turns out he _had_ been saying her name, but not like that.

The two of them sit in uncomfortable silence for longer than they ever have before. Neither of them wants to speak first. Neither of them wants to bring up what literally just happened.

“I missed you,” he finally said softly.

She cracked a little smile. “Yeah, I uh…I got that bit,” she laughed a bit.

He smiled back at her, blushing just a little.

“If you missed me, why did you ignore me?”

Right to the point then, huh. Harry still hadn’t figured out what he wanted to say to her. How he wanted to explain this all to her. How he could tell her how he truly felt.

“I…I don’t…” he started. But he couldn’t finish the thought. He only sighed and looked down at the floor. At least now his boner was gone. Super, completely gone.

“Come on, Harry. It’s me, you can talk to me.”

He stayed quiet again.

“Are you really going to keep giving me the silent treatment?” The words came out harsher than she intended, and she flinched in reaction to it. So did he.

“I… I’m not trying to. It’s just…this week has been…a lot.” He settles with that. It’s a non-answer, but it’s the best thing he could give her in that moment.

She let the silence sit for a while before they were startled by a knock on the door.

“Hey, it’s Jake, open up,” he shouted from the other side.

Harry took a deep breath while Anna invited him in.

Jake had a bitter look on his face when he made eye contact with Harry, but it softened when he turned to look at Anna. “Oh, there ya are. The guys said you were up here, but you weren’t in my room, so I wasn’t sure. Gotta work on that project.”

“Look, I gotta go. I came over to meet Jake to study.” Harry’s face contorted at the sound of his name, but Anna pretended not to notice. “I just wanted to make sure we were still on for tomorrow. It’s Wednesday, yeah?”

He nodded slowly. “Yeah, yeah of course. Every Wednesday,” he assured her.

They said half-hearted goodbyes after that, and Harry fell back into his bed.

 

Wednesday afternoon came and went faster than Harry wanted it to. He was nervous for that night. Really nervous. He had been working on a new song – one that could explain to Anna everything that he had failed to tell her up until then. It didn’t feel done yet, didn’t feel quite right. But he didn’t think he could wait any longer. Not after ignoring her for a week. Not after what she saw the day before.

Harry waited at the pizza place for Anna at their regular time. He looked at his watch. She was running a few minutes late. Normally he wouldn’t even notice. But this time, every single little thing that happened seemed like mattered. Every word he planned to say to her. Every note of the song he would sing that night. All of it held more weight than usual.

He was going to tell her tonight. Although he wasn’t sure what words he was gonna use, he knew he was going to tell her… something. Tell her something that would make her understand why he hated seeing her with Jake. Make her understand why he used the pictures of her. Make her understand why he felt like he couldn’t talk to her for a week.

He went ahead and ordered their regular pizza and beer/cider combo. The girl at the counter taking his order knew it by then.

“Where’s your girl?” she asked absentmindedly.

“Oh, she’s not… she’s… running late,” he settled with.

The girl at the counter gave a non-committal hum as she finished making his change.

“Number twenty-four today,” she told him, handing him the small placard. He took it with a soft smile and went to sit back at their regular booth.

That’s when Anna walked in. But the thing was, she didn’t walk in by herself. Jake was with her. Harry almost choked on his own spit when he saw him.  

Harry stood up when they approached to give Anna a big hug. She seemed a bit shocked to be receiving it. They always hugged like that. But again, this time there was more weight to it. Maybe she was expecting him to be cold to her. Maybe she was expecting him to feel uncomfortable. Well… he did feel uncomfortable. He was just trying not to show it.

And maybe he was also trying to show Jake that Anna would always, first and foremost, be Harry’s. He was staking a claim to something that wasn’t truly his. But the look in Jake’s eyes when the two released each other and Harry gave him a head nod told Harry that Jake had understood the message.

“Sorry we’re late,” she told him softly after they released from their hug.

“Had to have a bit of a smoke break. You don’t mind, do you ya?” Jake asked, a soft punch to Harry’s shoulder. He shook his head. He really did mind, but he wasn’t going to say anything.

Dinner was awkward to say the least. Harry ate quickly and drank an extra pint. If his mouth was full of food or drink he wouldn’t need to feel guilty for not knowing what to say. Jake, on the other hand, had no problem filling in the silence. Harry learned about the project they were working on for class, which actually sounded really interesting and if it was anyone else doing the project he would be asking a million follow up questions.

They headed downstairs after that, and Niall gave a friendly wave from behind the bar. Harry let Anna and Jake find a seat while he went to order more drinks.

“Who’s the cock blocker?” Niall asked with a nod over to Jake. Harry turned around to see the two of them at their regular table, giggling quietly to each other.

“Name’s Jake,” he told Niall as he turned back to face the bartender. “They uh… well they’ve been seeing each other I guess. I don’t know.”

Niall’s face twisted up. “You gonna let another guy get your girl?”

“Not my girl,” Harry reminded him.

“Whatever you say.”

Niall handed him the regular beer and cider and he walked back to the table before realizing he had forgotten to order a drink for Jake.

“Sorry mate, got distracted. What’d you want?”

Jake rolled his eyes. “It’s fine. ‘M a bit high, to be honest with ya,” he laughed.

Anna gave Harry a pointed look, but he wasn’t quite sure what it meant. It could have been a cry for help, or an apology, or something else completely. Harry just nodded in response and pretended to understand. Usually the two of them could communicate so well with just a look, but not this time.

Harry stayed mostly silent through the other acts. Jake made a lot of rude comments under his breath. It’s not like Harry and Anna hadn’t been making little jokes about the other acts every week, but theirs seemed different. They would laugh about a singer being pitchy or someone slurring the words to their poem. Jake? He went a step further. He made fun of their outfits, he made fun of the one girl for being so fat and still wearing shorts. Jake called them names and then smiled as if it was an acceptable thing to do. Harry watched Anna through all of it. She seemed a bit uncomfortable, but not uncomfortable enough to say anything. He let out a sigh and turned his attention back to the boy singing on stage.

The night drags on and eventually the last act before Harry has taken the stage. He makes eye contact with the announcer, who signals for him to come up to the stage to prepare to go on. Harry was jittery. He had been planning to sing that new song tonight. The one about Anna. But he knew he couldn’t do that with Jake here and sitting right next to her.

He looked over to them. The looks on their faces had changed. Jake was talking, and Anna was nodding her head slowly, biting her lip. That was something she only did when she was nervous. Harry didn’t like the idea of Jake saying something that made Anna nervous. Maybe he was propositioning her for sex. Maybe he was asking if she wanted to go get high later. Maybe he offered her cigarettes – Harry knew that Jake sometimes indulged.

He had to shake the thoughts away, though, as the announcer said his name and brought him up to the stage. Harry grabbed the guitar and sat on the stool which had been set out for him. He took a deep breath, trying to figure out what songs he would sing instead of the one he planned.

Making a few jokes into the microphone, he tried to buy himself some time. Eventually he came up with three songs to sing. First, he sang The Chain by Fleetwood Mac – one of his favorite songs by one of his favorite bands. Then he decided to go out on a limb and sang Girl Crush. As he sang, he found the lyrics hitting closer to his heart than he wanted to admit. But he held it together pretty well. Finally, he sang Wild Thoughts. The last one was a bit out of his comfort zone, but he thought he might as well give it a go.

He tried desperately not to stare at Anna and Jake the entire time he was on stage. But it was hard to keep his eyes off of them. They whispered through almost his entire set. Anna still held a nervous look in her eyes, and when she was looking up at Harry, her gaze seemed to go right through him. He knew something was off, and he felt anger boiling up in his body. If Jake said or did something to hurt her, he would absolutely have to hurt Jake.

Harry didn’t get the chance though. By the time he walked off the stage and received congratulations from his regular fans at the bar as well as from Niall behind the bar, he turned his gaze to Anna only to see her sitting alone at the table. Before he could ask her where Jake had gone and why she seemed so upset, she cut him off.

“I don’t really want to talk about it. Not here. Let’s just go home, please?” She started off strong and sure, but her words ended more carefully. She didn’t exactly sound like she was about to cry, but she didn’t sound thrilled either.

“Ok, yeah, let’s head out.”

The walk back to Anna’s place was quiet and tense. He offered her a hand to hold, but she refused. Instead she kept her hands in the pocket of her sweatshirt, which looked like one that she had borrowed from Jake. Harry couldn’t help but think back to the visions he had of her wearing his old high school photography club sweatshirt. She looked so sweet and cozy in the oversized jacket. This one was also oversized, but she looked so uneasy.

When Anna closes the door behind them, Harry heads straight to her bed to plot down and start watching something on Netflix like usual. But she doesn’t join him, instead stands in front of him, weight shifting from side to side.

He cocks his head. Something is wrong.

“You know how I said I didn’t want to talk about it?” she started nervously.

Harry nodded his head.

“Well now I want to talk about it.”

“Ok.”

“It’s just… Jake and I were talking. And like… he doesn’t know what we usually do on Wednesdays after the bar. I never told him because I thought it would be weird. But like. He says you’re giving off… vibes. And he doesn’t like it.”

Harry swallows hard.

“Says if I want to keep seeing him… well he doesn’t want me to keep going on… he says Wednesdays with you are basically dates and it isn’t fair to him.”

She looks anywhere but at Harry. She can’t bear to see the look on his face. Knows he’ll be disappointed. Knows he’ll be hurt.

“He’s making you choose? Between me and him?” Harry asks incredulously. He’s trying not to yell. He’s trying not to let his emotions get the best of him. But it isn’t working very well.

“Uh… not entirely, but yeah.”

“I can’t believe this!” Harry shoots up. His words are loud and his jaw is locked and he looks at Anna in a way that she’s never seen before.

She’s always known he was tall, but it never meant anything to her. Not until now. Not until he towered over her, full of anger, with rage in his eyes.

“Harry! Calm down!”

“Don’t tell me to calm down! Your fuck buddy is trying to make you cut me off!”

“Harry! He’s the first boy that’s ever been interested in me!”

“NO! No! I… I can’t do this anymore, ok? He’s right. He’s right. He’s right to make you choose. It’s me or him, Anna. Me or him.”

“Harry!” Her lower lib is wobbling. This wasn’t what she wanted to do tonight. This wasn’t where this conversation was supposed to go.

“No, Anna. I’m leaving. I… I can’t handle this anymore.”

Harry stormed out after that, leaving Anna in a pile of tears in his wake. He couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe that she would ever want to associate with someone like Jake. He was so slimy. Harry knew he was slimy. He should’ve warned Anna earlier. He should’ve found a way to keep them away from each other. He should’ve protected her better.

But he didn’t. And now she’s made the choice to be with him. And she’s going to choose Jake over Harry. Obviously, she will. Because like she said, he’s the first boy that’s ever been interested in her. Well, the first that she’s known about at least. And why would she stay friends with Harry when he can’t give her everything she wants. He’s nothing like Jake, and if she wants to be with someone like Jake then she would never want to be with someone like Harry.

Harry rolls around his bed. Jake is right down the hall from him and it makes him feel claustrophobic. He can’t look at his face anymore. He can’t hear his name anymore. Or his voice. The kid talks so loudly, Harry feels like Jake’s voice is drowning out his own thoughts. Which is just plain rude.

Jake smoked. Harry sometimes smoked weed, yeah, but Jake smoked cigarettes and Anna had always said that anyone who smokes cigarettes is an idiot because they literally know that they’re giving themselves cancer. He makes jokes that hurt people. He’s mean to people. He already hurt Anna by forcing her to make this decision.

Then again, maybe Harry and Jake do have more in common than he realized. They were brothers in the same fraternity. They both care about Anna. Hell, they both made her choose between them.

As soon as that thought crosses his mind, he feels instant guilt. He can’t make someone who he cares about choose between people like that. He’s scum. He’s slimy. He’s the worst kind of person and there’s no denying it any longer. Jake is probably a better person than Harry is anyway. Jake can at least express himself to Anna. He can let her know exactly how he feels. Even if that feeling is bullshit and he uses it to try and get her to cut off her life-long best friend. At least he can find the words.

That’s when the idea hits him. Maybe he doesn’t need words. At least not right away. Maybe he can tell her how he feels through the cords of a guitar. Maybe he can tell her how he feels through his body.

He jumped right up and started running down the block. She didn’t live that far from him, but suddenly the road looked longer, and the seconds ticked by too slowly. He had enough time to get back into his head again. He kept replaying their fight in his head. He kept playing the song he wrote about her and finding all the places where the lyrics were wrong. Later, he would make a note on his phone as to what he needed to change. But in that moment, none of it really mattered. The only thing that mattered was getting to her house as fast as possible.

Harry took the steps two at a time. The stairs on the way up to Anna’s second floor apartment had not felt that burdensome since the day he was helping her move in. When he finally reached her door, he found himself pounding on the door. He caught himself quickly and finished knocking much more softly.

When he finished knocking, his heart started to drop. What if she wasn’t home? What if she didn’t want to see him? What if his knocking had woken her up? What if she was mad at him? What if she really was going to choose Jake?

But all those worried fluttered away when she opened the door, timidly standing behind the threshold to her apartment. When she realized it was only Harry, she opened the door wider and took a step back, so he could enter.

“Harry, oh my goodness you almost gave me a heart attack! You shouldn’t knock that hard I thought it was maybe the police or some-.” She was cut off.

Harry surged forward, fitting one hand on the side of her face, over her jaw, and the other on her waist. And he kissed her. Hard. He squeezed his eyes shut as tightly as possible. And he tried to memorize every tiny detail of the kiss. The way her lips tasted – still like apples. The way her mouth moved. The way her body relaxed into his touch after the firsts initial shock. All of it. He wanted to remember all of it just in case this was the only time it ever happened.

After what felt like hours but also seconds at the same time, he back up, disconnecting their lips. His hands remained where they were on her body.

“Harry…” she whispered softly.

“Yea.”

Her phone rings. It’s Jake.


	5. Part Five

 

Harry stood, one hand on her cheek and one on her waist and looked down at her phone. She had dropped it when Harry surprised her with the kiss. On the screen, all lit up, he could see Jake’s face.

“Don’t answer it, please,” he begged. Harry wasn’t normally one to beg, but he needed to finish what he started. He needed to tell her how he felt. He needed to tell her that the whole time he was helping her out as a friend, he was actually falling for her. Hard.

“H,” Anna sighed. She let her hand travel up to his cheek, holding him there for a moment. His eyes closed, and he breathed deeply, practically praying that she would let it go to voicemail. “I… he… I’ve got to answer it,” she finally resigned.

Harry let his hands drop from her body and picked her phone up from the ground. He started to hand it to her, only to stop before letting go.

“Just… just promise me one thing. Don’t make a decision yet, yea? Don’t throw me away until tomorrow.” His eyes were red around the edges and he was desperately trying not to let his lower lip start to wobble.

Anna nodded her head and Harry released the phone into her hand. She sighed as she answered the phone, turning around so she wouldn’t have to face Harry while talking to Jake. She simply couldn’t bear it.

He knew he couldn’t sit there and listen to that conversation. He couldn’t know word for word what she was going to say to Jake. How she was going to tell him that she chose him over Harry. He couldn’t listen to his own demise so clearly, right after he had kissed her.

So he ran. He turned around and shut door hard, hearing Anna call his name from the other side of the door. But he didn’t stop to plead with her. He had done everything he could ever do. All he had left was the knowledge that if she dropped him now, she would at least know how much she meant to him.

He wasn’t very tired anymore when he got back home. He had all kinds of adrenaline coursing through his veins. He fiddled with his hands and his feet bounced as he tried to figure out what to do next. What is there to do after kissing your best friend? What was left for him? Not much. Not that he could see, anyway.

In the corner of the room rested his guitar. He quickly grabbed it, his favorite pick, and the sheet of paper on his desk which contained the start to a song which wasn’t quite there yet. Wasn’t quite finished. He looked over the lyrics about Anna and immediately knew that they weren’t right. They weren’t right before, and they were especially wrong now.

So while Anna was on the phone with Jake, Harry sat alone in his room writing a song about her that she might never even hear.

* * *

 

Days rolled by. Neither Harry nor Anna knew what to say to each other. Not after that kiss. Not after that moment they had shared, only for their perfect little bubble to be broken by Jake’s phone call. Midterms were really gearing up, and each of them tried to convince themselves they were simply too busy to talk to one another. But that was a lie. They had plenty of time to think over what had happened.

For Harry, it was especially bad. The song he had written was catchy and he found himself humming it all day and night without any warning. It was stuck in his head from the moment he woke up in the morning until the moment he fell asleep at night. One day he called on in class and couldn’t answer the question because he had been distracted by the new lyrics running around in his head.

It was around lunch time on Wednesday when one of them finally built up the nerve to initiate contact. Harry heard his phone buzz on the table and looked down to see her name lit up on the screen. She sent a message, and at first he was afraid to actually open it.

_Hey. On for tonight?_

It was only four words, but he felt his heart pounding anyway.

**_Yea. See you for pizza._ **

_Actually I’m not gonna make it to pizza, but I’ll be downstairs for your set._

_I promise._

He stuffed his phone back into his pocket without responding and went back to focusing on the task at hand – editing photos for his midterm project. The worst part of this class was that it wasn’t even his photos. It was purely an editing class, so Harry had to spend hours and hour looking at someone else’s boring pictures of like, plants and stuff.

It had been hours since he started, and he felt as if he was going nowhere. He just couldn’t get the coloring right. The grass was too blue, and the sky was too green, and he was too frustrated. The guy in the corner had shushed him several times already after he groaned in frustration. Normally he liked studying in library, but now he was regretting his choice.

Anna was all he could think about, no matter how hard he tried to focus on literally anything else. He didn’t even notice, it was like his body was doing its own thing, as he moved the curser over to his hidden folder filled with pictures of her. Those pictures felt like the only evidence that anything had actually ever happened between the two of them. His memories felt like a distant dream. His body held no more physical indication of their time together. If he wanted to, he could delete the pictures and pretend the whole thing never happened.

Harry started editing those photos. His favorite being the ones with her lips stretched around his cock and the one he had barely had the consciousness to capture which had his cum dripping on her lip. Suddenly, Photoshop didn’t seem quite so boring.

In fact, he felt himself starting to chub up under the table. He pushed the heel of his hand down onto his bulge and willed it to go down. He had more pressing matters than getting himself off. This felt so much more important.

The hours dragged on. Harry was able to finish his three favorite photos along with several others which he thought she might particularly enjoy. They looked amazing, if he did say so himself. He wasn’t one to brag, but he was willing to make the exception here.

Harry looked at the clock at the bottom of his computer. I was getting late. Well past the time he would normally be meeting with Anna for pizza. By his calculation, he could probably eat the granola bar in his backpack and spend another twenty minutes working on the photos before he had to head over the bar. So, he savored every moment, considering that they might be the last moments he would ever be able to look at these photos of Anna without feeling insane guilt. The last moments before she officially told him she was choosing Jake. The last moments where he could be hers in any way, even as a friend.

He might have savored the moments a little bit too long. He packed up his things and ran like hell to the bar, so he could get there before Anna. His backpack bounded on his back annoyingly as he ran.

Niall welcomed him into the bar with a wave and a loud cheer from behind the bar. He already had a Guinness and a cider poured by the time Harry reaches the counter. He pushed them onto the bar top, looking around before leaning over to chat.

“Where’s your girl, mate?”

“Not my girl,” Harry reminded him for the millionth time.

“Fine. The girl. Where’s the girl?”

Harry let out a long sigh. “Probably on a date with her boyfriend,” he admitted. It was the first time he had said it out loud like that. Putting the words out into the universe made it feel so much more real. He could feel his heart breaking at the seams, so he took a sip of beer to settle himself.

“Boyfriend?” Niall raised his brows. “What’s up with that? Thought this was your date night.”

“Not a date night,” Harry corrected. “Just… our night.” He looked behind him, as if making sure Anna and Jake were nowhere to be found before he continued. “You know that guy from last week? Well… he made her choose between us. She’s probably kissing him goodbye as we speak.”

Harry downs the rest of the pint pretty quickly before pushing it toward Niall for another. The best thing about being friends with the bar tender is definitely the free refills.

Niall can tell that Harry doesn’t feel like talking about it, so he leaves it as is. Harry takes a seat at the bar where he used to always wait for his set to come. Used to. Before Anna started coming with him.

There was a shorter list of people signed up to perform that night. Only a few singers and a few poets. One pianist that came every week. Nobody new. It was midterms. People were swamped and overwhelmed and honestly, Harry couldn’t blame them. If the night didn’t use his name to advertise, he might’ve just skipped that week. It was getting pretty close to his set and Anna still wasn’t there, so it was likely she would miss the night completely.

The announcer eventually nodded at Harry, his signal to come up next to the stage and get ready to perform. He let out a deep sigh before he gave a pat to the bar top beside him and nod to Niall, who was serving a customer at the other end of the bar. He made up to where to the announcer was and checked the guitar that they had set out for him. It was the same one he used every week, but he always made sure to double check the tuning and ensure that nothing was broken. Anna still wasn’t there, which meant she probably wouldn’t even come. Would probably break the last thing she promised to him. He didn’t want to sing her song without her in the audience, so he brainstormed what else he could sing in its place. But he couldn’t come up with anything before he heard his name through the microphone.

Harry walked out onto the small stage. He tried to play it cool, pretend he was flirting with the audience a bit when in reality he was holding back tears. It wasn’t even because some girl had rejected him. No. It was deeper than that. Worse than that. His best friend had chosen some slimy guy over him. And it hurt more than he ever could have imagined.

“Alright,” he spoke into the microphone as he settled onto the stool. “Tonight, I had a special set planned, but,” he finally let himself look up into the audience.

The door at the back of the room opened and closed, letting in too much light. At first, he couldn’t tell who the figure in the shadow was. Could’ve been anybody. But soon, it was clear to him that it wasn’t just anybody.

“But now it’s going to be extra special,” he finished, looking right into Anna’s eyes.

She stood at the back of the room, leaned against the bar casually and gave Niall a smile. Anna had made it just time for Harry’s set, and he couldn’t wipe the giant smile off of his face. He still couldn’t be sure that she had chosen him over Jake. But she had fulfilled her promise, and that was enough. Enough for the moment. Enough for him to be able to sing her song right to her.

He started his set with one of his regulars – Girl Crush. He closed his eyes as he sang and let the words wash over him like they had the first time he heard the recording months ago. Back then, he had just been trying to find new songs to play, didn’t much care what they were or what they meant. Second, he sang Wild Thoughts. He’d only don’t it once before, but that one time was the first time Anna had come down to watch him. Not to mention he felt the message extra strongly.

“This last song,” he started, “is extra special. It’s um… it’s an original song. And I know I don’t usually play those too often. But this one… well I think you’ll like this one.” He looked directly at Anna while he spoke, giving her a little smirk. “And if you don’t, then just lie to me and clap anyway, alright?” He turned his attention back to the rest of the audience and laughed a bit at his own joke before he began.

_Don’t know where you’re laying  
_ _Just know it’s not with me  
_ _Don’t know what I’d tell you if  
_ _I passed you on the street_

The moment when he had written that first verse felt like ages ago. Back when he found Anna and Jake in his bed together. Back when he went a week without talking to her. Back when he was rolling around in bed with nothing to cling to but memories and dirty pictures. The song had taken shape over the course of a few weeks, and the lyrics showed that. The song showed his fear, his love, and his desire. And as much as he had thought he didn’t want to tell her about these things, he knew in that moment that singing this song to her was the right decision.

_I don’t want your sympathy  
_ _But you don’t know what you do to me  
_ _Oh Anna  
_ _Every time I see your face  
_ _There’s only so much I can take  
_ _Oh Anna_

_Don’t know how you taste when  
_ _There’s smoke in your perfume  
_ _Chew me up and spit me out  
_ _Nothing left to lose_

_I don’t want your sympathy  
_ _But you don’t know what you do to me  
_ _Oh Anna  
_ _Every time I see your face  
_ _There’s only so much I can take  
_ _Oh Anna_

_Hope you never hear this  
_ _And know that it’s for you  
_ _I don’t know what I’d tell you if  
_ _You asked me for the truth_

_I don’t want your sympathy  
_ _But you don’t know what you do to me  
_ _Oh Anna  
_ _Every time I see your face  
_ _There’s only so much I can take  
_ _Oh Anna_

_Well I guess it would be nice if I could touch your body  
_ _If I could touch your body  
_ _If I could touch your body  
_ _If I could touch your body_

_I don’t want your sympathy  
_ _But you don’t know what you do to me  
_ _Oh Anna  
_ _Every time I see your face  
_ _There’s only so much I can take  
_ _Oh Anna_

The song ended, and Harry opened his eyes which he hadn’t even noticed were closed. He had a big smile on his face, truly proud of himself for writing the song at all, not to mention singing it in front of an audience and in front of Anna.

Before he had a chance to look to the back of the crowd to find her, he felt her body fling itself onto him, much like she had done that first week. She hugged him hard, tucking her face into his neck and squeezing his torso tight. Harry took a deep breath, smelling her natural scent without any of Jake’s smoke or cologne mixed in. He couldn’t help but smile.

She kissed his cheek lightly, but before he had a chance to react she whispered to him. “Let’s get home, yeah?”

They walk back to her place at a quick pace, the brisk night air feeling nice against Harry’s hot skin. He was hot from the bar. He was hot from the stage lights. And he was hot from the emotions coursing through his veins while he held her hand.

But the walk was long, and eventually, Harry’s mind started to wander.

“Wait, Anna.” He stopped in his tracks, pulling her back towards him by her arm. “What about… what about Jake? He doesn’t want yeh to be with me anymore, yea?”

Anna shook her head at the ground, a small grin forming on her face. “You idiot. Come on,” she pulled him forward towards the direction of her apartment, and she explained everything.

Last week, when she told Harry about what Jake had said, she wasn’t trying to tell him that she wasn’t choosing him. She was trying to tell him that she  _wanted_ to choose him. Because even though it seemed like Jake was the only boy who had ever been interested in her, she would never want to give up on what she and Harry had.

And when Jake called after their kiss, he  _was_ calling for a booty call. But she didn’t agree to it. He was drunk and high, surrounded by a big group of a guys, and saying really nasty things to her. She would’ve told him right then and there that she was choosing Harry, but Jake didn’t give her the chance. And when she turned back around to ask Harry for help with what to say Jake, he was already gone out the door.

“I didn’t miss pizza because I was on a date with him,” she explained as they stood outside her door. “I missed pizza because I had to make sure to tell him off before I went to see you. Before I did this.”

She pulled him in by his collar as she placed a kiss right on his lips. It was gentle but needy. Soft but filled with desire. Anna still tasted like apples, and Harry was hungry for more. They broke apart just long enough for her to open the door and the two of them to walk through it. Before she was even completely inside, he pushed her back up against it, closing it and locking it before resuming the kiss.

“You,” he whispered in between kisses, “are…amazing.”

They both smiled, and their teeth clashed against each other, but neither of them minded. Harry thought it was the best kiss he had ever experienced in his entire life.

He had his hands on her waist, but slowly he backed away from the door and signaled to her to hop up. She did, and he held her as they continued kissing and he walked over to her bed, setting her down gently on her back.

Anna’s hair was spread around her like a halo. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his life. All he wanted was devour every single inch of her and never let her go. Hold her as close as possible and stay like that forever.

She pulled him down to keep kissing again, but he stopped for a moment.

“Wait, Anna, listen,” he said, a little bit out of breath. “I… I want to do this. But I only want to do this if you know the truth.” She looked at him, confused. “I  _really_ like you, Anna. And… and I can’t keep doing this as just your friend, as just a way for me to teach you. If we’re going to do this, then you need to know that it’s going to mean something to me. It’s gonna mean a lot.”

He let out a deep breath, half expecting her to push him away and call the whole thing off. But instead, she laughed.

“You complete knob!” she called at him. “Obviously it’s gonna mean a lot. What do you think it meant when I kissed you? I really like you too. Like a lot. More than a lot.”

For just a moment, Harry let himself enjoy the words that came out of her mouth and what they made him feel. But it was only a moment. Then, he was back where he had been before, kissing her deeply. This one was filled with even more need and desire than before. He was  _hungry_ for her.

It wasn’t long before they were undressing each other. And they had done it before, been naked together before, but this time it was different. So different. So, he kissed her shoulder as he twisted her bra open and she took her time feeling his back muscles as she lifted his shirt over his head. And he wasn’t shy this time around when he decided to grind his hips down onto her while they made out mostly naked. His jeans added friction over her panties and soon she was flinging her head back, breathing rapidly through an open mouth.

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful,” he told her through labored breaths. Harry attached his lips to her neck and started to kiss everywhere he could touch. He kissed the spot behind her ear lobe and he kissed the spot where her shoulder and met her neck and he kissed the spot right below her collar bone. “Wanna mark you up a bit, make sure he knows you’re all mine.” He hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but Anna didn’t seem to mind. So he sucked in a nice purple bruise just above her breast bone and back up to appreciate his work.

Her hands made their way into his hair, grabbing and pulling as he worked. His hair had started out as rather fluffy and soft, but as he went on sweat started to accumulate at the roots. She squeezed his hair tighter when he attached his lips to her nipple, giving an experimental little suck. He could hear the breath catch in her throat even when she stayed mostly silent.

Harry left a trail of wet kisses all the way down her body until he was mouthing gently just above her panties. He gave a little bit of a nip and she flinched a bit, but ultimately giggled. His hands found their way up to stroke gently at her arms, where he could feel goosebumps all over her skin.

“’s just me, lovie, yea?”

She nodded her head in response and he couldn’t help but smirk a bit. She definitely had been gaining some confidence, which was one of the goals of him helping her out in the first place. The last time they had been in that position she was much more nervous. But this time, she felt the blood coursing through her veins, giving her a little bit of a buzz just under her skin.

Harry let his finger drag up and down her folds from the outside of her panties. A wet spot was starting to form, and he couldn’t help but feel a little bit smug.

“Get you nice an’ ready for m’fingers, yea?” he said, barely above a whisper. “M’fingers and tongue and fuck.” He had to pause just to catch his breath. “Shit babe, one day I’ll fill yeh all the way up. Make you feel s’good.”

Anna used her hand in his hair as leverage to pull up and make sure he was looking at her. “Why wait?” she said. The shock was written all over his face as his fingers abruptly stopped their movements. “I just mean… I’ve been thinking about it. And I want it to be you, know that already. So why wait?”

“Darling, are you sure? You don’t… you don’t have to. I’m perfectly happy with what we’ve been doing. Don’t want to rush you.”

“’s not rushing me.”

Harry gulped down his breath. “Y’sure?”

“I’m totally sure,” she told him, a giant smile erupting on her face.

He couldn’t help but lung back up and connect their lips in a kiss deeper than any of the ones before. He could feel the way her fingers tugged at his hair as they kissed, and he sucked on her bottom lip just a little bit extra.

Harry’s fingers skimmed over her body again before resting on her panties, just over her clit. The kiss continued as he started to rub gentle circles around the sensitive area. He knew she was feeling it when she broke the kiss to catch her breath but couldn’t find enough air to fill her lungs.

“Gonna getcha all ready f’me, ok? Stretch you out a bit, make you feel good.”

She nodded her head rapidly and Harry took that as the go ahead to slip his fingers under her panties. He used just one finger to rub up and down her folds and nearly moaned out just from the feeling of how wet she was.

“Seems like you’re almost ready, huh?” he teased. Her cheeks turned a gentle shade of pink. “Le’s get these off of ya.” He pulled her panties down her legs before throwing them away somewhere behind him. After adjusting himself to be further down on her body, he used gentle fingers to spread her legs open. “Beau’iful,” he whispered.

He knew that it was pretty common for girls not to orgasm their first time having sex, so he wanted to make sure he gave her the best experience beforehand. More than just prepping her and making sure it didn’t hurt later, he wanted to make sure she got a chance to experience that rush of adrenaline and satisfaction that comes with a good orgasm.

The sweet smell of her juices spurred him on as he started to lick up and down her pussy. Her legs kicked out and her body wiggled, simultaneously trying to get away and get closer. So he grabbed her leg and propped it over his shoulder and brought his hand under and through to rest low on her stomach.

“Stay still fo’ me, love,” he said to her.

Harry moved his mouth up to her sensitive nub, sucking it into his mouth gently as he let his fingers dance around her entrance. Her gasps above him fueled him as he started with one finger, then two. He thrust them in and out of her slowly, still giving plenty of attention tot her clit above. Next, he curled his fingers up, trying to find the spot inside of her that he knew she couldn’t reach on her own. When her legs tensed and her grip in his hair tightened, he knew he had found the spot.

“There yeh are,” he said with a chuckle and a smirk.

His fingers worked deftly alongside his mouth, and pretty soon Anna could feel her core winding up tightly.

“Fuck, Har, don’t stop,” she whined.

“Wasn’t plannin’ on it, love.”

It was shortly after that when the tightly wound coil deep inside of her snapped and she found her release. Harry worked her through it, using one hand to rub up and down her arm and the other to continue and pump his fingers into her.

“Tha’s it, give it to me, lovie,” he whispered.

After she finished, he removed his fingers but continued to lick and clean her up. She tasted even sweeter than he remembered. Although the last time they had done this was several weeks ago by this point. But she tasted sweet, and amazing, and perfect, and he made sure to let her know. When he was done cleaning her up, he went back to give her a deep, open mouthed kiss.

“Can yeh taste yourself, hmm? Taste so lovely, so sweet,” he told her between kisses. She blushed a little bit but definitely did not shy away from him.

She started to reach her hand down his body, grazing over the little tuft of soft hair beneath his naval. His pants were unzipped but still on, showing only the top of his Calvin Klein boxer-briefs. His length was nearly rock hard, and a small spot of precum had leaked through the fabric. She gave a delicate touch to the area before he pulled her hand away.

“No, no, no. Babe, this is about you, yea? Don’ need anythin’ else from yeh.” She gave a little whine in defiance, but he wouldn’t hear it. “’s your night. We’ll make up for it another time, yea?” he paused for his lips started to curl up into a smile. “You can have me more than once a week now, there’s plenty of time.”

She nodded in response, a little bit caught off guard that he didn’t want the attention. But he was right – they were no longer limited to once a week. They could do this as often as they wanted. They could do it over and over and over again every single day of their lives if they wanted to. Anna felt a chill run through her body at the thought.

He leaned over to open the bottom drawer of her night stand, digging through for a moment before finding the box of condoms he knew was there.

“How’d you know that was there?” she asked incredulously.

“Love, I helped you move in. I think I’m the one that put them there,” he teased.

He pulled his pants and his briefs down his legs and added them to the pile of clothes starting to form on the floor of her room. His dick sprang free, the head an angry red color as it now rested up against his abdomen. He gave a few little tugs, just to relieve some of the pressure, and spread the precum leaking out over his length.

She watched him with wide eyes as he unwrapped the condom with his teeth before rolling it down his hard cock. He gave himself a few more tugs. It was going to be tough for him to go about this in a gentle way when all he wanted was to destroy her and let himself explode.

He moved back in between her legs, one hand resting next to her head and the other still giving himself delicious strokes.

“Gonna go slow, ok? Start gentle. Jus’… lemme know if it hurts or if I should stop or anythin’ like tha, ok?” She nodded her head, but that wasn’t enough for him. “I want to hear you say it. Say you’ll tell me to stop or slow down, because I might need help rememberin’ to control m’self.”

“I’ll tell you to stop or slow down if it hurts,” she said to him. The words seemed to hold a lot of weight as she whispered them, face taking on a very serious expression.

“Ok,” he said with a deep exhale. “I’m gonna start now.” He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to center himself, trying to appreciate the moment. “Been thinking about this fo so long, babe.”

He lined himself up with her entrance carefully before looking in to her eyes for one last sign of approval. She gave him a nod and he took that as his cue and pushed himself inside of her slowly, only going so far as his head.

She squeezed her eyes and let out a shaky breath. “Feel ok, darling?” he asked. She nodded her head. “Can I keep goin’?” She nodded again. He pushed in further, another inch. He went slowly, bit by bit, inch by inch, until he was buried all the way inside of her.

“So good, love. Feel so fucking good,” he whispered before kissing her forehead lightly.

He wanted nothing more than to ram inside of her hard, building both of them up to amazing orgasms and mixing their cum together inside of her. But he had to hold himself back and remember the task at hand.

“’m gonna start movin’ soon, gotta start movin’.” He was starting to feel antsy and desperate. Needed to release some of the tension building inside of his body.

She nodded her head and took one last deep breath before he started withdrawing out of her only to pound back in a little harder than he meant to.

“S-sorry. I’ll try t’be softer,” he told her with a furrowed brow.

And so, he started to thrust in and out of her at a gruelingly slow pace. He watched her face contort in different ways, and saw her expressions change as the uncomfortable feeling started to fade away.

“Feelin’ good now? Feels good?”

“Y-yeah, shit.”

He reached a hand down to rub over her clit again, hoping to give her a little bit more satisfaction out of the whole situation.

“M-might not cum y’first time, babe. But I’ll try, gonna try.”

He changed up the pace of his hips as well as the pattern of his fingers. She let out a few gasps, more substantial than he had been expecting. She wasn’t particularly loud in bed, never truly let out a deep moan like he sometimes did, but her little noises were like music to his ears.

“Could cum jus’ form listenin’ to ya,” he told her. “So perfect, everythin’ about yeh is so perfect.”

Harry’s actions started to get more hurried, more frantic. He could feel his own release building up fast. He dipped his head down to connect their lips again and he swallowed up all of those beautiful little noises. Sometimes, her lips would stop moving and her mouth would stay open, trying to catch enough air.

“Filling yeh up, aren’t I?” he whispered into her ear. “Filled yeh up with m’fingers, now m’cock. Soon m’gonna fill yeh up with my cum.” He heard her breathing become more irregular and he knew he had hit a nerve. “Oh, yeh like when I talk t’yeh like that? Hmm? Well there’s plen’y mo’ where that came from, love.” His voice was deep, and his words felt like a promise.

“Feel so good, Har,” she whispered out between pants.

Her words really got to him. After being so quiet, after not hearing her voice form a sentence since before he entered inside of her, the simple words of affirmation seemed to send his inside through the loopy part of a roller coaster.

“Fuck, doll. Gonna finish soon, tryin’ to hold ou’ but… m’gonna finish soon.”

He redoubled his efforts with his fingers, now trapped between their two bodies as he rubbed faster and faster in little circles. He sucked another bruise into her neck, a deep purple color right underneath her ear, before blowing some cold air onto the spot. Her body was reacting to every move he made.

“Gonna cum, lovie? Hmm? Gonna cum all over m’cock?”

She nodded her head at a furious pace. Her bottom lip was deep red after being bitten between her teeth for quite some time. She lifted her legs and wrapped them around his waist, just trying to get him to be impossibly closer.

Harry changed the patter of his thrusts, and that’s when he could see that she was hitting her high. He had meant to lean in and kiss her, swallow her moans down and make sure she felt loved in that moment. But he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. The way her face contorted was the most beautiful thing, more gorgeous than he ever imagined. He found himself wishing he had his camera with him to capture that moment, only to remember that they could always do that another time. That there would be  _another time._

It was those thoughts that brought him to his own high. It happened rather suddenly as he wasn’t really paying attention to the way his body was reacting to everything. He had been so focused on her that the build up seemed to happen in the blink of an eye.

He shot his load into the condom, moaning deeply as he buried his face into her neck once again. Without any thought at all he found himself sucking a third bruise into her skin, right at the spot where her shoulder met her neck. She smelled sweet, she felt tight and warm, and he felt amazing.

When they were both spent, he let most of his body weight drop down on top of her, careful to make sure she didn’t feel squished. He worked on slowing his breathing down, so he could talk to her, but his orgasm had taken all of his energy out of him.

“Gonna slide out now, love,” he told her softly. Her eyes were still closed, and her chest was rising and falling at a rapid rate.

He slipped out, his dick now mostly soft and the condom filled up with his cum. He took the condom off and tied it up, walking over to her bathroom to throw it away and grab a warm, wet washcloth. When he returned, she looked as if she was sleeping already.

“Took a lot out o’ya, huh?” he teased. She hummed weakly in response. “Don’t worry. M’gonna take care of ya.”

And he did what he promised. He used the washcloth to clean between her legs before grabbing another one to wipe her face. “Wipe the sweat away. Know you hate your pimples,” he explained softly when she gave him a look of confusion.

When all was said and done, he joined her back in the bed and pulled up the blanket around their bodies. The plan in his head had been to spoon for a while until they both fell asleep, but she quickly rolled over and place her head on his chest and flung one leg over his. He stroked her back up and down softly as he reached for the remote to her TV.

“So, what is it tonight then? Serial killers or assassinations?”

She giggled at him. “Whatever you want.”

“Oh,” he teased. “So you get the best sex of your life and in return I get to choose the documentary we’re going to listen to in our sleep? Yeah, that sounds fair.”

A smirk stretched over his face as she gave him a small little tap on his chest. It was meant to be more of a little slap, but she found herself unable to commit to that much.

“’s alright,” he said with a smile. “Best sex of m’life too.”

“Really?” she asked, head bolting up off of his chests to look in his eyes and see if he was only teasing again.

“Really… yeh’ve been all I’ve been thinking about for weeks, lovie. Don’t act like yeh didn’t see meh wankin’ to those pictures last week,” he teased.

She just smiled a little bit before leaning to give him a short and sweet kiss on his lips.

“You’re amazing, doll,” he said, just above a whisper after her head had returned to its place on his chest. She gave a noncommittal hum in response, and the was the last he heard from her before her breathing became deeper and her eyes closed.

“Amazing.”


End file.
